The Beginning of the End

You may have noticed that lately I have been posting nearly every day in order to recount all the fun things we've been doing so far this fall. Many of these things are events that we have enjoyed before, and some are new. Regardless, they are all things that we are trying to take advantage of one last time.

This is a post that I have known would someday come since the day we set foot in New York. I didn't know when, but I knew it would, although that doesn't make it any easier to write these words:


We're leaving New York.


I'm not going to go into full detail about the reasons why just yet, but suffice it to say, big changes are afoot. We're about to embark on a major transition, one that is both scary and exciting all at once. But aren't all great new adventures both exciting and scary? These changes have been in the works in one way or another for some time now and to finally be facing them head-on is exhilarating. Although we're heading into very unfamiliar territory, I think this will ultimately be a wonderful thing for our family. It is hard to believe we have finally reached this point, but here we are.

We are still working out a lot of the details about these new adventures, so I will share more with you later when I have more finalized information. Our immediate next step, however, will be moving back to St. Petersburg, FL and staying with my dad for a while as we sort it all out. We officially booked our flights to Florida this week, securing our Farewell, NYC date as December 5th - two months from today.

It will be wonderful to be so close to family again, to be home for the holidays, to celebrate Ellie's birthday surrounded by loved ones, etc., and I am very excited to see how this new chapter in our lives plays out. But the idea that we are in our last two months of NYC life is something my brain almost cannot fathom. I have always known that NYC was not a permanent plan for us. It was a way to fulfill a longtime dream of mine to live in the city, and we really lived in the city. We lived our lives here like we were permanent tourists and made it a point to rarely (if ever) turn down a fun New York opportunity. There have been days when I have said I hate this city, when I longed for suburbia, when I was sick of the crowds and the noise and all I wanted to do was get in a car and drive to Target and shop in peace. But those were always momentary sentiments because I love this city. I think I love this city as much as anyone could ever love any place. I feel like it is a part of my soul and my eyes fill with tears at the mere thought of sitting on a plane, watching my city fade away in the distance, knowing that I'm leaving with no return flight booked - I'm just leaving. It breaks my heart.

Although I always knew that day would come, I don't feel ready. Frankly, I don't know that I will ever feel ready. I have been saying my good-byes to the city for some time now, but I'll just never be ready. I felt very sad to leave Washington, D.C., too, when we first moved here, but it was different. I also loved D.C. immensely, and still do. The difference is that D.C. is a place where I could see myself living again someday. Leaving D.C. was sad (because I loved living there), exciting (because I was moving to NYC), and overall okay because it didn't feel final. I could always go back. New York, however, feels final. I don't see a way we will ever live here again. It's a wonderful place to live as a young couple, but we're moving past that stage now. We're growing our family and although I love the experiences the city could offer our children as they grow, city life is just never what I envisioned for my children's early years. So the time has come to say good-bye, and I know that it makes perfect sense. However, I think it's the finality that's really getting to me. How can we really leave?

But in the meantime, we still have two months. I know these two months will fly by in no time, but we plan to do our very best to take advantage of every opportunity we have left. We have a whole list of things we want to take Ellie to see before we leave and we plan to make the most of every single day left in this city. It only seems natural.

Living in this city has been one of the greatest experiences of my life and I know I will be happily reminiscing and telling stories from our time here until the end of my days. There's just no place like New York and I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to call this city my home for over four incredible years.

And so, let's kick off our Farewell Tour and give this city the good-bye it really deserves.