Motherhood

Today is my first Mother's Day, the first time I am receiving cards and gifts addressed to "Mom." It seems very strange. I have spent so many years spending this holiday celebrating the wonderful mothers and grandmothers in my life - the ones who have walked this road before me and now serve as my inspiration and my guide. I am very honored to be joining their ranks, although it is still very surreal.

I've only been a mother for a little over six weeks now, and I'm not sure it has sunk in yet. Does it ever? I assume it will at some point. When does that happen? When do you really feel like a mom?

But believe it or not, I am a mom now, and I've spent a lot of time thinking about the kind of mother I want to be. I want to be the kind of mother who kisses boo-boos and leaves notes in lunch boxes and whose hugs make everything seem better. I want Ellie to always feel like she can talk to me about anything and to know that I'll always be there for whatever she needs. I want to always make time to play together and I want to show her all kinds of new things and take her on adventures. I want to give her good advice and teach her how to be a kind person. I want to go to all her extracurricular activities and hang her drawings and report cards on the fridge. I want to tell her how much I love her and how proud I am of her so often that she gets sick of hearing it. And someday, when she is all grown up, I want to have a friendship with her like the one I have with my mother.

I am lucky enough to have some incredible mothers in my life, both in my family and Eric's. I'm thinking of all of them today and am so grateful not only for all they've done for us, but for the example they've set for me as I start out on this motherhood journey. For Ellie's sake, I hope I can follow in their footsteps.

To all of you mothers out there, both new and old (and expectant!), I hope you have a beautiful day. To my mom in particular, thank you for being both my mom and my friend, and now for being such an adoring Grammy to my little girl. I love you.

And to my baby Ellie, thank you for letting me be your mommy. I have absolutely loved the last six weeks with you. My heart just aches when I look at you, because I love you so much it's almost too much to bear. And the other day when I went to get you out of your crib to feed you at 6:00 a.m., and you greeted me with that big, beautiful smile? Forget it, I'm done for. You own me, little girl.

I love you so much, sunshine. I'm so proud to be your mom, and I promise I will do my very best to always be the kind of mommy you deserve.