Friday, July 11, 2014


I mentioned in my last post announcing the birth of sweet E.J. that my attempt at a VBAC was unsuccessful. I'm going to share the full birth story soon - well, as soon as I'm able to reflect, record, and process a bit. I'm disappointed that I didn't end up with the outcome I hoped for, despite my efforts, but I also know that I could not have done anything differently. That birth that I dreamed of just wasn't in the cards for me.

What I had most been dreaming about when thinking about having a natural birth was the first moments of my baby's life, when the doctor would put him on my chest immediately after he was born so we could spend the very first moments of his life together, skin-to-skin. Needless to say, I didn't get exactly that vision - just as before, there was that sheet blocking my view, and E.J. was quickly whisked away to be checked out. But one of the things that I will most cherish about this birth was that my doctor and the hospital still allowed me to have that early skin-to-skin time with my newborn. No, it wasn't how I envisioned it, but as soon as they verified that E.J. was okay, he was brought over to me and placed on my chest, right there in the operating room, and he stayed there with me until they finished working on me.

When they first brought him over he was fussing, but as soon as he was put up to my chest and head he settled. He just looked around, alert and calm, taking in his first moments. And I was able to lay there with him, just breathing him in.

I wanted to mention this part of the experience separately from the full birth story, because those first moments with E.J. are a memory that I will always treasure and I am so grateful to have had that opportunity.

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