Dear E.J. - Seven Years

 

My dear E.J.,

Happy birthday to you, cute stuff! Seven years old! Wow! Does that sound old to you? It sure does to me. And what a year this has been for you, and for us! Lots of things going on in the world, lots of significant changes for our family, lots of growing up for you.

On your last birthday, we were four months into self-quarantine during the coronavirus pandemic. A year later, the virus still dominates the headlines and shapes our behavior much more than I had hoped it would by this point. Oh, don't get me wrong, we've relaxed a bit - we go to public playgrounds now, we've gotten back to visiting with family, and we've taken you into some stores and other places, and to some outdoor events like Jumbo Shrimp games (yay!). But it has been a long year, kiddo. After I wrote your last letter, cases of covid-19 spiked drastically nationwide, and especially in Florida. In the fall, schools offered families a choice of in-person school (with face masks, socially distant desk spacing, lunch in classrooms, plastic desk shields, no field trips or other big school activities) or virtual learning with a teacher from your school. We opted for the latter, and you completed first grade entirely online. We still have not taken a vacation (aside from going to Papa's house a couple of times); we celebrated Christmas with extended family (and visited Santa!) virtually via Zoom; we trick-or-treated minimally for Halloween (focusing instead on a fun Harry Potter-themed house setup to hand out candy to others); we still have not been to a movie theater or church or back to tee-ball or other extracurricular activities. And, no big birthday party for you again this year - instead, we went to the waterpark at Adventure Landing as a family and had Star Wars Clone Trooper cupcakes with Grammy and Heather on the 4th of July. You still said it was the best birthday ever, so thank you for that!

January brought another significant spike in covid cases in the U.S., then things tapered off during the spring as vaccines became available - first to people over age 65, then gradually younger until Daddy and I finally got ours in May. Numbers began to drop and things started opening up even more, and mask mandates fell by the wayside - and now cases are on the rise again among the unvaccinated, which, unfortunately, you and Ellie still are for the time being. We are waiting with bated breath for a vaccine for kids under age 12, and it has been promised by mid-winter. Unfortunately, that means for now, we keep our guard up to keep you kids as protected as we can. You'll be going back to school in the fall, and it makes me terribly nervous, but we're moving forward, for better or for worse. 

You have been such an incredible trooper through the past year and a half. There have been disappointments, for sure, but you have been very willing to roll with the punches as we go and make the most of things. I mentioned Halloween - that particularly surprised me, that you were not nearly as devastated as I thought you'd be when I broke the news that we wouldn't be trick-or-treating this year. Instead, you threw yourself into our costume theme and house-decorating idea and had a great holiday. If you were ever upset about our altered plans for any event, I don't believe you ever let it show. I do think we've had a lot of fun this year, even if it hasn't always been our normal type of fun!

You did an awesome job with virtual school this year. It was such a joy for me to be able to be just in the next room for every single one of your school days, so I was able to hear you interacting with your peers and talking to your teachers and participating in class. Your reading ability has grown by leaps and bounds (you've even started reading some chapter books now!) and your math fluency is truly impressive. You were very outspoken in class, always eager to share news with your teachers and classmates. You managed to make friends even in that environment, and often posted encouraging messages to your classmates on the class message boards. You were also just so cooperative with online learning in general - so many kids struggled with it, but you took to it with no trouble. Whenever my alarms would go off to signal that it was time for you to return to the iPad for another live lesson, you'd just yell out "OKAY!", drop what you were doing and run right back to your desk. I was so appreciative of how easy you made all that for me!

The silver lining of virtual school was definitely that you had more time to play and build Lego in between classes and assignments! Lego has continued to be EVERYTHING to you, and you build constantly. Our once-meager collection of bricks has ballooned, and now we have sets upon sets, and drawers-full of other loose bricks. Our playroom is now centered around Lego, with a big building table right in the center and a shelf to the side to display your creations and store all the bricks. You loved your Lego scavenger hunt from your last birthday so much that you requested another one this year (and we obliged with a mini figure hunt). You still love the show Lego Masters, you love looking at/reading Lego books and looking up Lego sets online, and we're still looking forward to a trip to Legoland one day! I love to see your creations - you really are so creative and have such a great imagination. I'm always so impressed by the builds you come up with!

Baseball took a little bit of a back seat for you this year, but that's understandable because you haven't played on a team since March of last year. But, now that we've started going to Jumbo Shrimp games again, and since Daddy played in a Throwback Baseball Game on the 4th of July (in our new neighborhood - more on that to come!), and you watched a little bit of the All-Star game, baseball is making a comeback for you. You've dressed yourself in baseball attire (baseball pants, jersey/tshirt, high socks and cap) every day this week, and the other night you were even sleeping in your baseball pajamas with your high socks on and glove under your pillow. I love seeing you get back into it! And, even with slightly waning interest, you were able to achieve your goal of hitting a ball over the fence at the tee-ball field (while playing there with Daddy), and by the time we moved out of our old house, you could easily hit a whiffle ball clear across the street. We are planning to sign you up for Little League this fall - and it won't be tee-ball anymore! You'll be in the machine-pitch division and you have to be evaluated before the season and everything. They'll even start enforcing outs and keeping score. I hope you love it!

You have a pretty good little competitive nature, although you never admit it. You like to win and you get really upset when that doesn't happen. You've been really into playing the Nintendo Switch (video games) since we got the system for Christmas, and if Ellie is beating you at a game or if you can't figure it out, you get so upset. Sometimes we have to turn it off until you can calm down a little bit. So, I'll be interested to see how that translates to the ball field in the fall. You also have focused a lot lately on your size - that you're smaller than most of the other kids your age. We talk about it as a good thing, because they'll be likely to underestimate you because you're not as big as they are, but you sure can play!

You lost your first tooth this year! Well, you've lost two so far. You were so anxiously waiting to lose your first one - so many of your friends had already lost a bunch. But, it finally happened this spring, and then you lost another one just before your birthday! And you have two more loose ones in there, too. As happy as I am to see you excited about this part of growing up, it's a little sad for me to watch your baby smile changing so much so quickly. But, that's the way it goes, and I know I will love your toothy grown-up grin just as much as that baby smile.

You have been growing and changing this year, of course, but our family has also seen some pretty big changes, too! The biggest one is our new house. After renting houses for your entire life thus far, we purchased our first home in May and moved from San Marco to Springfield. The house is just wonderful - it has so much space for us, and you love so much about it. It is very long, with a straight path from front to back, and you love to sprint from one end to the other over and over again (I believe you're playing a game you made up in your head, but I'm fuzzy on the rules and I think they're not really strictly enforced anyway - it's really all about the running!). You also love that you can run a complete circle around the house, as our front and back yards are connected on both sides of the house. It's all fenced in and you love to run the whole way around. You and Ellie have your own rooms, which is nice, but the really cool part is that both of your rooms open up onto what was once a sun porch, that is now closed in and is currently serving as your playroom! Your bedrooms and the playroom are all connected in a U-shape and it's just the coolest thing. It's lovely and bright (with eight windows in the playroom alone!) and just wonderful for you guys. As you get older we can see that playroom turning into a study room or a hangout room to spend time in with your friends...I think it will really serve us well for a long time!

You were such a good sport during the moving process, which is always just so terrible. You were a great help at sorting through all your toys and books and finding things to sell or donate, and you and Ellie earned a bunch of money from your sold toys at our yard sale. You also had a lemonade stand to earn money for walkie talkies, which you use to talk to each other from your respective rooms after we put you to bed. There have certainly been some adjustments with the move - you've had some trouble adjusting to being in your own room, and we've been doing lots of switching nightlights around and leaving hall lights on to help with scary shadows, reassuring you about various noises, and sometimes you just have sleepovers with Ellie and avoid being alone altogether. I suppose all this was to be expected; it's always hard to adjust to a totally new place, especially since the last one was really the only home you ever truly knew. But we're making progress and we do love the house! We're so excited for all the new fun our new neighborhood promises us, and I think we'll make a lot of really great memories here.

Another big change for us was the adoption of our dog, Ruthie! We got her when she was just a little puppy and now she's a year old. You and she are best buds, and you're her favorite "toy!" When you run around the perimeter of the house (or back and forth inside), she loves to chase you. Whenever you're doing anything remotely active (which is, you know, almost always), she loves to jump in and play with you. She'll tackle you to the ground, bite at your feet, chase you around. You guys love to wrestle and have so much fun together! I'm so glad you're such good buds.

Some more about E.J. at seven years old: you still love Halloween, spooky things and bad guys; we've been reading the Harry Potter books (we're almost done with book five right now!), and Voldemort is your favorite, of course. Your favorite things to eat for lunch are Nutella sandwiches or macaroni and cheese, and you love Pop Tarts for breakfast. You live for snacks and are always downstairs RIGHT at 3:30 p.m. (designated snack time) to help yourself to something. You also love eating at restaurants and playing at the playground (you especially love climbing and jumping off things). At our old house, you liked to climb up on the backyard fence and inch your way around the perimeter of it, and at our new house, you love to climb around the outside of the porch railing. You are starting to take on more responsibility around the house (not necessarily happily, but you're doing it!), and you have been doing daily chores all summer which include things like cleaning bathrooms, putting away some of your laundry, changing your bedsheets and cleaning up Ruthie's...uh, messes in the backyard. You love Star Wars, and this year have particularly enjoyed The Clone Wars and Rebels series. You like reading and writing and particularly enjoyed writing a report on bats (the animal) in school this year. You got your very own library card this year; you enjoy reading the Magic Treehouse books, but your favorite book is currently Clone Troopers in Action. You like the color blue, and you love Beanie Babies (sometimes you carry them around in a fanny pack with just their heads peeking out!). You're currently very into In The Heights and listen to the soundtrack daily (your favorite songs are probably "96,000" and "Benny on the Dispatch"). You keep changing what you say you want to be when you grow up: sometimes you say a Lego set maker, sometimes a baseball player, sometimes an engineer, sometimes a costumed Star Wars character at Hollywood Studios. You love to be silly and are all about putting on a show these days. You love video games, especially our Harry Potter Lego game and Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games. You sometimes get grumpy when you don't get your way (who doesn't) but overall, you certainly laugh far more than you sulk. You love to have visitors and cry when they leave. You like to climb trees and play with Nerf guns with your friend Krishna, and you ran your first 5k this year. You love to swim and play in the waves at the beach. You are kind-hearted and thoughtful, outgoing and friendly, bright and creative.

And, you're growing up. I know, I know. I say it every year. But every day you look a little taller, a little leaner, a little more like a Big Kid and less like a Little Boy. I am still so thankful for those fleeting moments of Little You that still show up from time to time - when you climb into my lap out of the blue, or wrap your arms around mine and lay your head on my shoulder, or grab my hand when we're walking. Each of those is becoming increasingly rare and one day, you will do each for the last time and I won't even know it in the moment. Perhaps you already have done one for the last time and I don't even realize it. It breaks my heart to know that, as I have loved being the mother of Little E.J. for all these years. But Big E.J. is going to be a really great boy, and then a really incredible man, and I'm so excited to get to know him as we go. And E.J., no matter how big you get, I'm always here with a mama hug if you're scared, or a hand to hold, or a shoulder to lean on. You can get as big as you want, but that will never change.

I love you so much, nugget. Thanks for another really great year of being your mama. It is such a privilege and you are so dear to me.

Happy birthday, buddy.

All my love,

Mama

* * * * *

My Dear E.J.,

Happy birthday, little buddy! Birthdays are such a big deal at your age and I am so excited for you to turn seven! I think your Mama has done such a great job planning parties and making you feel special that the anticipation just builds and builds throughout the year. It seems like you are always planning for either Halloween or your birthday party.  

The truth is, while you hit some amazing milestones (keep reading!), this was a crazy year. Most prominently, we kept you guys at home all school year due to the pandemic. It was far from ideal, but we felt like it was the best decision. Your teachers were organized, and your Mama built out a school room in our dining room and was really on top of helping you troubleshoot technology issues and check things off your assignment list. It also felt like you were making consistent progress–you can read now, which is pretty awesome! One of my favorite things is to see you sitting on the couch working your way unprompted through a book. You’re currently digging the Magic Treehouse series, and most recently finished the one about Jackie Robinson. You can also read the dialogue for the Harry Potter characters you voice, including Neville Longbottom and Dudley Dursley. We are on book five of seven and I know you will have other ones before we finish the series together!

One cool thing about working from home while you were schooling at home is that I got a chance to pop in and see you thinking your way through assignments – you (and your teachers apparently) especially liked math mysteries where you had to solve math problems to decode letters that formed clues that helped you solve the mystery. It was particularly cool to hear you think your way through addition and subtraction problems. You completely mastered facts up to 10 and, without prompting, break down larger problems into ones where you already know the answers. I will say that I am a little nervous about you realizing your math potential because Ellie loved math first. I don’t know if you sometimes pretend you don’t like it to make her mad or if you think you can’t both be good at it, but you have a great number sense and I hope you don’t ever let other people define what you love and how great you can be.  

This year, you continued to be ultra-passionate about things. Being super into one thing has been pretty consistent your whole known life. From Spider-Man and superheroes to Star Wars bad guys, then baseball and back to Star Wars, you have added Lego, and two Lin-Manuel Miranda musicals to the list. Your birthday party last year was a scavenger hunt for ten Lego sets. You built them all in under a week and you have not stopped since. You love mini-figures–building them, thinking about different arrangements, and imagining other ones that could exist. You have given me many creations this year to keep in my office, but I usually give them back after a little while so you can have the bricks to build with, but I have kept the minifigs you made of me and you in my office for months. You have a great eye for detail and it is so fun to hear you talk through the things you build. Even when they look similar to other things you’ve built, you always add something interesting!

Another thing we started doing as a family during the pandemic is watching non-kid TV shows. The first full season we watched all the way through was LEGO Masters–a Lego building competition show where teams of two complete a themed challenge in a set number of hours. This is a time where I wish I was a great writer, because I bet such a person could paint the picture I have in my mind of what it is like to watch you watch the show. You are so intent on what’s happening and are so transparent with your emotions–awe, nerves, surprise, disappointment. It’s like you have such empathy for what they are experiencing on the show. You had a favorite team from the first season and cried when they got sent home. The second season just started and I hope your new favorite team fares a little better. Either way, it’s a lot of fun to watch with you.

One last thing I want to talk about is our extracurriculars. Having to miss in person school this year we tried really hard to give you some structure. Mama and Ellie played some piano; you, me and Ellie went to the driving range a few times and you guys even rode with me for 9 holes one time; but the most consistent one was the weekly trips you and I took to the tee ball fields. We got matching Angels shirts and hats and everything! You particularly loved when we stopped for a Gatorade, candy or ice cream snack and I loved the chance it gave us to talk one on one in between drills. You are such a great learner and practice so hard every time we are out on the field and other times when you are working on something yourself. I worry sometimes that I am not the best teacher for you because I hear myself getting frustrated when you take more than two tries to get something right, but you give me more grace than I deserve and seem to have fun anyway. Maybe it’s the snacks? I don’t know, but I hope I can strike the right balance between making sure it stays fun for you and helping you improve so that it makes it easier for it to be fun. My favorite football coach used to say that he wanted the game to be fun, but that he couldn’t think of anything more fun than winning. The other thing I need to mention this year is how competitive you are! I’m not saying that anyone should like losing, but you get so upset and angry as soon as it looks like you are not going to win something. Even after you may have just won a few times in a row, you really struggle to tolerate losing. I think this can be productive if it fuels you to work harder, but it seems like it is something that has to be taught and I am hoping I can help you channel that energy. 

My favorite memory from our one-on-one team practices has to be the time you hit your first ball over the fence! The Little League where we play has three different baseball diamonds: one for T-ball; a medium field where you’re going to start playing this fall; and a full regulation Little League field with a mound for kid to pitch from. We always end our practices with me pitching you a mix of tennis balls and soft baseballs. Well, one of the days your swing was on point and you blasted a tennis ball to straight away centerfield. Your sister (who sometimes came to do art and watch) and I went crazy. You seemed more surprised than anything, but has a huge smile on your face. No bat flip or finger pointing home run trot like you sometimes do at our house when you hammer a whiffle ball across the street. After a pretty long pause, you rounded the bases, gave us a short interview about how you couldn’t believe it and then we walked around the field to take a picture with the ball. You have said you want to hit a home run on every field you play on and it’s pretty cool that you are one for one so far.

E.J., for a year that feels like we didn’t do anything because a global pandemic kept us home for so much of it, you were productive and eventful! You learned to swim underwater, started losing teeth and playing video games–you and Ellie beat Star Wars Lego game for the Wii and earned 100% completion in Harry Potter years 1-4 for our new Nintendo Switch. You ran a 5k in under 35 minutes with planned stops for you and Ellie because it was your first time. We got a dog whom you adore and who loves to play with you, and we bought a house that is perfect for running laps around and sprinting inside. You made a difficult year so much better and I hope you can feel in the letter how much fun you are to have as a son. I love you so much, am so proud of how hard you worked to accomplish so much this year, and hope, hope, hope I can help you channel your passion and energy into something amazing. 

I love you!

Daddy 

Dear Ellie - Nine Years

 My dear Ellie,

Happy ninth birthday, lovebug! The day is finally here! You've been eagerly awaiting this day for weeks, counting down and giving your classmates daily updates as to how close it really is to your birthday.

How do I know you that you give your classmates daily updates? I know because you "attend" school via laptop in our dining room, and oh, child, what a year it has been since my last letter. When I last wrote to you, we were two weeks into our "safer at home" strategy for dealing with covid-19, the novel coronavirus that spread across the world rapidly and relentlessly. What was originally planned to be a two-week self-imposed quarantine to "slow the spread" has now ballooned to 55 weeks and counting for us. Not long after your birthday last year, school was canceled for the remainder of the year and lockdowns extended out past that initial two-week estimate. People protested their confinement and by May, things started to open back up again, but virus numbers skyrocketed by late summer, so our family continued to stay safe at home. Schools reopened in the fall with both a virtual and an in-person option, which included myriad safety protocols such as six-feet spacing between and plexiglass barriers around desks, mandatory mask-wearing, lunch in classrooms instead of the cafeteria, and daily temperature checks. We opted for the virtual school option, both for our own well-being and to do our part to keep class sizes smaller for kids who really need to be back in the school building. We set up a little school room in the corner of our dining room, complete with desks and a calendar and all the school supplies you could need, and you and E.J. have really done well with it.

We have not yet been back to church; we are preparing to watch our second Easter Sunday service on YouTube. You still attend Girl Scouts, but virtually - I lead a virtual component of our troop, while the rest of the girls meet in person. You are not doing ballet this year, and your recital from last year was canceled entirely. We have only seen a few family members at all this year, and those visits have been exceedingly rare, taking place only after a strict 14-day quarantine to minimize our risk of unknowingly bringing the virus to each other. Each holiday has been spent with only our immediate family, and each has looked different: we did our own Easter egg hunt in our backyard; we didn't go watch the July 4th fireworks at the river; we barely trick-or-treated on Halloween; we had a video call with Santa instead of an in-person meeting. We have worked really hard to figure out new ways to celebrate and make things special when our old traditions just aren't feasible.

We didn't travel at all this year; there was no family reunion to attend this summer (sadly, we lost our Gramps this year, too, and have yet to be able to travel for a funeral). There were no school events or awards or performances. Our overly busy weekends are a thing of the past, and many of our previous pastimes came to an abrupt halt: our Disney passes lapsed, the Jumbo Shrimp season was canceled, we no longer had Saturdays at the t-ball field. Our outings and entertainment for the past year have mostly consisted of walks, movies on our new outdoor projector, frequent trips to the beach, watching new TV series together and reading "Harry Potter." When we do have to venture out, we wear masks (they were mandated in our area up until last week, but many businesses still require them), and we scrub our hands well when we get home.

I'll admit, I've had some trouble coming to terms with your impending birthday this year. Last year, my heart broke for you that so many of your big birthday plans were thwarted by this virus, and it has been hard to stomach the realization that the same could be said of this year (though I think we've come up with fun ideas to make it special!). Your birthday is so closely linked to the anniversary of this thing in my mind, and I had so wanted this to all be over by the time you were nine. It's easy to look back at the last year and think of it as a "lost year": so many of the things we always held dear to our hearts were canceled or put on hold indefinitely. You only have so many years of childhood, and at times it has felt like this one was just "passing us by."

But, it wasn't a lost year. It was a year for us. For our family. Day in and day out, we've been together. We've found new things to do together and creative ways to have fun at home. I've been able to have a front row seat to your day-to-day schooling - I hear you talking to your classmates, asking questions, working hard. You and E.J. have so much more time to just play now, and you make good use of it! It has been so wonderful to have you more to myself than I have in years, to know exactly how your day goes and what you're doing and what you're thinking and feeling, something I thought was long gone since you started school. It also feels like almost an extra year of childhood, in a way - a year with no drama with friends, no (new) crushes, no peers spoiling childhood magic for you. It has been a rare gift that isn't given to most parents. It feels like borrowed time...or bonus time, maybe. It is actually really kind of special.

And Ellie Bellie, you're growing into such a lovely young woman. You are thoughtful and sweet and empathetic. You are almost overly kindhearted! You can't tolerate being in trouble; if you think we're even looking at or talking to you too sternly, you crumble. I know that I can trust you completely, because rather than ever lie to us, if confronted with something you'd rather not say your whole body slumps over and your face goes sullen, and out comes the truth. You often ask what you can do to help me around the house, and you're always thinking of sweet things to do for people you love and how to make it special just for them. For example, you made Heather and Matty bracelets--with a cat charm and Dallas Cowboys colors, respectively--for no reason, and moved them to tears when they were surprised by them in their mailbox!

You've taken to virtual school without missing a beat. You have the same teacher as last year, which may have helped, but I am able to just let you do your thing all day with minimal oversight. You follow your schedule, do your work, and often even set your own alarms on your watch to make sure you're back to live video classes on time. You still love math, and your teacher has selected you and a couple of other kids to do some extra math work, which thrills you. (You're starting that this week, and you were so tickled that you'd get extra math for your birthday week! What a gift!) You're doing great with multiplication and fractions, and I'm very impressed by you.

You also still love science, and we've been getting our fill of science activities through online Girl Scouts workshops. One positive of the pandemic has been that Girl Scout councils/organizations from across the country have been offering programming that we are able to take advantage of, regardless of our location! Your Brownie vest is completely filled up with patches and badges and you've done some really cool things. You even attended a virtual Girl Scouts summer camp last June, where you earned three coding badges, tie-dyed your own camp shirt and even made s'mores in the microwave and sang camp songs around the computer with your fellow campers. People have really impressed me with their ingenuity in finding ways to translate normal activities to a virtual format! You also sold Girl Scout cookies again this year and once again, you were the top seller in your troop. You're highly motivated and willing to work hard to reach your goals. You amaze me.

You still love to read, though that sort of tapered off for a while since we were not able to go to the library to get new material. I think your favorite thing to read this year has probably been the "Harry Potter" books. We've been reading them together as a family (we're on the fifth book now!), and as soon as we finish reading one together, you claim it for yourself and re-read the whole thing on your own, often in only a couple days' time. 

You overcame a couple of significant fears this year: you learned to ride your bike last year on Easter Sunday, and you changed your earrings for the first time about a month ago! In true Ellie fashion, in each case you just decided you were going to do it and you did it. When you decided to learn to ride your bike, you worked hard, practicing your balance and pedaling up and down the sidewalk until it finally clicked. With your earrings, you talked yourself into a plan of action, and when your nerves started to overcome you, you gave yourself a pep talk: "I can do this. I'm going to do this." And you did! And in both cases, once you accomplished this task that you had perceived as impossible for so long, you felt so incredible. You'd just talk about it for days and days and days - you were so proud of yourself, and we were so proud of you, too. I can't even tell you how much joy it brings me to see you overcome a mental hurdle like that and do something that you really want, even if you're afraid. I hope you remember that high you felt afterwards and it propels you forward to many new, exciting experiences as you grow!

You're just growing up so much, and I see it every day. I see it in your outward appearance (I mean, could you possibly be any taller????), and in your behaviors. You're showing more confidence, and you're more willing to try new things. You're becoming more and more helpful around the house (and willingly, too!) - you can change your bedsheets, make all your meals, clean your room, do the dusting. You're motivated to do well and willing to put in the work to do so, such as just last week when you worked hard every day after school to learn a dance for Palm Sunday church. At first you thought it was too hard and you wouldn't be able to do it, but we worked out a plan of attack together and you implemented it without any help and before long, you knew that dance perfectly. (We recorded it on video that was played at the service, which was so nice that you could still participate even if we aren't attending in-person church yet!)

One big, exciting thing from this year: we got a new puppy named Ruthie! You just adore her and vice versa. You can hardly contain yourself when you see her, and you launch right into lovey-dovey talk as you fuss over her. You're a big help with her, too! You get her out of her crate in the morning, feed her breakfast and let her go outside. When she shreds sticks in the house, you help clean up the mess. You help clean the...uh...mess in the backyard, too! You put her leash on when it's time to walk, and sometimes you walk her, too. I'm so glad she has been such a wonderful addition to our family! She's a real perk of this pandemic for sure - without this disruption to our normally very busy schedule, we probably wouldn't have considered getting a dog. We're very lucky to have her!

Some more about Ellie-at-nine-years-old: you and E.J. are still very into Legos, and you play for hours at your Lego table. You also love to draw and do crafts (you tried your hand at cross-stitch this year!). Your favorite color is pink - dark pink, not light! You love long dresses and rompers. Your favorite book is Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and your favorite TV shows include Magic School Bus and Emily's Wonder Lab. You were very excited when President Joe Biden was elected this year, because you met him in Hoboken when you were a baby, so now you can say you've met the President. You're incredibly responsible and trustworthy. You love unicorns. Your hair was both purple and pink at various times this year, and after growing it long for some time you decided last week to cut it short again. You still sleep with Cupcake, and I often have to remind you to remove the piles and piles of books that end up in your bed. You love to "mother" E.J., sometimes taking it a bit far, but I know it's done with love. You like to tuck your shirts into your leggings. You're happy and bubbly. You crinkle your nose when you smile if you really like something. You stick your tongue out when you're concentrating hard (still - you've done that since you were very small!). You say "hi" whenever we walk into a room (or rather, as soon as you hear us coming; you rarely wait for us to actually enter the room), and sometimes you tell us "I want us to be talking but I just don't know what to talk about." You've coped well with our isolation overall, but you're still a social being at heart, and you get excited when people come to our house - ANY people, including the exterminator, realtor and contractor.  When the little old lady who lives down the street had to put her dog to sleep, you wrote a letter to her telling her how sorry you were and left it in her mailbox. You pray to yourself every night, even after we've prayed together as a family. You still sometimes just need a "mama hug." And I always need an Ellie hug.

I just love you so much. 

And now, you're another year older. And truly, this was quite the year to live through, kiddo. Living through a pandemic like this is an unthinkably rare thing (thank heavens!), but there has been so much else going on all around us, too. You'll learn about it in your history books someday, and I think we've kept you pretty shielded from some of the other events of this year. But in all honesty, it has been a challenging one for me in a lot of ways. But you, my girl, have always been a bright spot. You are my motivation to keep working and fighting and brainstorming and innovating. When I feel like I've hit a wall, like I've given it everything I have, like I am just fully depleted, you fill me up again and somehow give me the strength and the energy to wake up and do it all once more. I just want so badly to make each of your days as special as you deserve, which is a terribly high bar but I'm doing my very best.

The coming year still holds a lot of uncertainty for us. It feels like we're on our way out of the pandemic, as more and more people are being vaccinated (Daddy and I will be eligible for ours next week!), and case numbers are staying much lower than they once were. But still, we can't quite predict when there will be a vaccine for kids, how things will look in the fall, or when we can really let our guard down. We also have some uncertainty on the horizon for our family specifically - perhaps I'll be writing your next letter from a new home? No matter what happens, I assume you'll handle it in stride in true Ellie style. 

Ellie, being your mom is such a privilege. I'm so enamored with the young woman you are becoming, just as I have always adored the little girl you were. I hope you know how much I treasure you, and I hope that as you grow you will continue to see me a safe space, a support system, and your biggest fan. Because I totally am. (I'll bet Daddy thinks he is, but I respectfully disagree.)

Thanks for being you, baby girl. You're amazing.

Happy ninth birthday! I love you all the much.

All my love,

Mama

* * * * *

My dear Ellie,

I love you so much. I have been trying to think of a way to explain how much I adore you and how happy you make me to be your dad. If there’s a good word, I don’t know it. The best I can do is to think of a feeling. It’s kinda like when you are sitting down to watch a movie you have been looking forward to for months, when you realize a book you are really enjoying is part of a series, or relaxing on the second day of a long vacation. It’s a happy/peaceful/content feeling where you can’t think about other than how lucky and grateful you are to be where you are. It’s not every minute of every day, to be sure, but it is the best way I can explain what I feel when I sit down and think about it. 

You are so excited to be turning nine (you can’t believe it’s your last year in single digits!). I am so happy for you to have a day (days, really, with the family party and camping) to be celebrated, but I am having a tough time realizing that you are halfway to being on your own. That’s still a lot of time, but I am bracing myself for the fact that the next nine will be less cuddly than the first nine. I also worry about mean kids, bad boyfriends, and other disappointments. Nine means we are getting closer to those things, but I know we aren’t there yet.

It’s just so crazy that you are now having your second pandemic birthday. I thought about including a table of differences and events of the past year, but decided that was too nerdy. I probably buckled a bit under the pressure it would add to include everything. But, for example’s sake, we just completed a whole year of virtual school and girl scouts, with facemasks required for the rare occasions we’ve seen other people or gone in places. And, boy, have we covered miles and miles of walks to get out of the house. On the other end, we have gone without Disney trips, in-person church and activities, eating on-site at restaurants, far fewer family visits and all non-family hugs. It has been very different, with so many challenges. But I don’t think that is what you are going to take from this experience. Your Mama has worked so hard to make things special. We went all out on yard decor for Halloween in lieu of trick-or-treating, she planned egg hunts at home, got a projector for backyard movies, and a climbing gym for the backyard. We started watching tv shows together (The Mandalorian and Clone Wars, Emily’s Wonder Lab, and Lego Masters). We got a puppy and let you guys start playing video games. I learned to do magic, and taught you and EJ how to play blackjack, poker and chess. It’s too early to distill a grand, unified lesson of the pandemic, but I think you can choose how to spend your energy, and there is good to be found in everything. 

I really didn’t mean to write you another letter where I make lists in every other sentence, so I will try to tell three more stories.

The first is about how proud I am of the way you have pushed yourself this year. As you were turning eight, you were committed to learning to ride a bike. We had tried without much success in the past, but you mastered the scooter and really took notice whenever you saw someone you knew riding a bike. At some point, you decided you were going to figure it out. I tried holding the back of the seat, and we planned out how to push off and glide, then to put your feet on the pedals during the glide, then pedal one loop, etc. You spent an hour at a time for days by yourself trying over and over again until you mastered each step. Just like when you were younger, obstacles are nothing compared to your will and determination. You are undefeated when you decide something is going to happen. On Easter Sunday, you put it together and successfully rode around a nearby parking lot and were beside yourself excited. You did the same thing later in the year when you decided you would finally change your earrings 18 months after getting them pierced. You succeeded and changed them several times a day for the first few days. Similarly, you have also decided this year that you would try new foods and have discovered so many new things you enjoy, like BBQ and cheeseburgers from places other than McDonald’s. The other day, you tried a roasted sweet potato and loved it so much that it’s going to be a part of your birthday dinner, with tacos, of course!

The second story has to do with how impressed I am by your interest in new things. Without traditional extracurricular activities, like dance, your Mama and I tried to give you and EJ as much of a well-rounded experience as possible. We offered you a suite of options and you choose piano and golf. Mama started teaching you the basics of piano after you picked up the happy birthday song and a short classical piece during Bairdcation at Papa’s. I don’t know all the specifics of what you did, but I do know that you taught yourself how to play my favorite Christmas carol, "The First Noel", by ear using trial and error. I hope we find a way to help you keep learning if that’s something you want to do, but, if not, you should know that you showed some aptitude for it. Speaking of aptitude, I loved taking you and EJ for golf practice. We always pick out a snack, share a bucket of balls, and putt. I’ve tried to be really light on instruction, just letting you both build some coordination and have some fun. You hit some really well each time and get so excited. You also get uncharacteristically confident. You tell me and EJ to “watch how it’s done” before you hit, and say that “golf is your sport” and you are even considering it as a career option (along with astronaut and pediatrician).

Finally, I can’t possibly tell the story of your year without talking about reading. You’re still a math and science girl (for example, you just took a pie day girl scout class and took it upon yourself to memorize 14 digits!), but boy do you love to read. And our family reading time has become an obsession! Speaking of finding the good in things, the pandemic is what brought this on. Essentially, at the onset, a lot of artists and organizations made new content available virtually. Concerts, museums, NASA camps, and movies direct to streaming, including Hamilton, which has been a huge hit. One such artist was J.K. Rowling, who offered to share her first young adult book since Harry Potter for free, a few chapters at a time. You guys loved the two months we spent on The Ickabog so much that we decided to give Harry Potter a chance. Kid, it’s been a hit. I believe your five favorite books are, in order, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Prisoner of Azkaban, Chamber of Secrets, Sorcerer’s Stone, and The Ickabog. Can you guess which book we are reading now? I love so much that we have been able to read them together. I do most of the reading, voicing close to 40 characters over the first four books. I love to do it because you guys remember which voice is which and get so excited when you know who is talking before the book says it. But, I said it was a family affair and it really is! You handle the dialogue for 15 or so characters by my last count, including Hermoine, Professors Flitwich, Sprout and Grubby-Plank, and Tonks. Most are pretty close to your usual voice, but sometimes you throw in an amazing British accents. Mama has taken on some pretty important ones, like Dobby, Professor Umbridge and Moaning Myrtle, and EJ does a great job with Dudley and Neville Longbottom, though he would love to be responsible for the Malfoys. Whenever we finish a book, Mama sets up some sort of party with themed snacks and attire, and we watch the movie together. You also re-read the book immediately in under three days. 

Kiddo, I really don’t know how to sum up such a crazy year, but I hope I’ve shared some thoughts you are interested in reading. I have loved watching you grow these first nine years and am so excited for you because the best is yet to come. Happy birthday, Belle. 

I love you so very much,

Daddy.

Farewell, 2020

Happy New Year, friends! We did it! We made it to the 2020 finish line.

Every year I make a retrospective video and spend some time reflecting on the past 365 days. Thinking back on 2020 has been...conflicting, I suppose? To be honest, I'm sort of at a loss for the right word to really summarize what this year has been.

There were, obviously, struggles. A lot of anxiety, a lot of worry, a lot of uncertainty, a lot of frustration. A lot of constantly second guessing choices made and wondering if we're doing the right thing for ourselves, our family and our community. It was a year of canceled plans and isolation from family and friends. It was a year of loss and grief - we have been fortunate to not lose anyone to the virus itself, but we did lose my grandfather and were unable to mourn him together as a family as we otherwise would have. And so many have lost so much more. It was also a year of unrest and hate and hurt, of arguing and division. There were times when things nearly felt hopeless.

But, to be fair, our family had it a lot easier than many, and for that I am exceedingly grateful - Eric already worked from home, and his work has continued to keep him very busy; I'm able to be home with the kids and we have the space, time and resources to devote to virtual school, plus they attend a great school with teachers who work hard to support them; AND my children are unicorn children who are great, cooperative, hardworking virtual learners. I am so grateful that we were able to adjust to pandemic life as easily as we did.

And, I realized some time ago that even in the hardest times, if you take a step back and look closely, there's beauty in the situation: true, pure, selfless, love-thy-neighbor type of beauty. Today, I am also enjoying remembering all the good things that have happened in the world around us this past year.

When schools initially closed, zoos and museums and people all over hopped online to keep children entertained and engaged. We have been able to "visit" places and watch performances from all over the country that we otherwise would never have seen (including our nieces' and nephew's piano recital this month!). Locally, people drew rainbows on their sidewalks for children to find when they went outside, and built scavenger hunts throughout the neighborhood.

When grocery store shelves were bare, local restaurants sold groceries to the public to fill the gaps. For some time we bought our chicken and pasta from Maple Street Biscuit Company and our eggs by the dozen from Metro Diner. People rushed to fill a need where they saw one and make things easier for their community.

When the CDC started recommending masks, crafters across the country ran their sewing machines ragged making them for their loved ones or to donate to local people in need. When elastic was hard to find, they were cutting up fitted bedsheets to use that elastic for ear straps. Creativity for a noble purpose!

When I asked for help with a drive-by birthday parade for Ellie and birthday video for E.J., I was overwhelmed by the response of our friends and family. It was so touching to see everyone so willing to give of their time to make the day special for our kids.

It often felt like you had to dig through the negative to find it, but if you paid attention, positive stories were plentiful: teachers giving their absolute all to virtual students. Daily applause for healthcare workers. People using their talents to entertain their neighbors from their driveways. Breweries shifting course to produce hand sanitizer, and athletic uniform companies making masks. Zoom lifting time limits on holidays so people could virtually celebrate with distant family and friends without restriction. Examples abound of people giving of themselves to others, trying to ease the burden for their neighbors and bring joy where they could.

And, this year may have looked very different, but there was something kind of fun in coming up with new ways to celebrate the usual events. We were forced out of our rut of tradition, to think creatively about what really is important to us and how best to celebrate it. If nothing else, it was a breath of fresh air, and maybe we even figured out some fun new things to add to our celebrations in the future.

As a family, we slowed down and enjoyed each other more: we started walking together every evening; we started reading the Harry Potter books together; Eric learned magic to entertain us; the kids put on a full-blown "concert" (complete with program) for me for Mother's Day; we spent many nights watching movies together in our backyard. And, we got a puppy!

I hope 2020 has not been too cruel to you, my friends. I hope you're also able to look back and see the beauty amidst the mess. And I hope that 2021 leaves the mess behind and brings you simply joy, good health, hope and togetherness.

Happy New Year.

VIDEO: A look back at our year in 2020

Signing off for 2020,

Meghan

Dear E.J. - Six Years

My dear E.J.,

Happy birthday, buddy! You are six years old now! Six seems so grown up, don't you think? I think you agree, considering that two nights before your birthday, as I said goodnight to you I told you, "Wow! Tomorrow is your last day of being five! How exciting!" and you burst into tears. You told me you like being five and you like kindergarten and don't want to be six. And I'll tell you what, bud - I get that. Five was great fun and frankly, you kind of got cheated out of a lot of it. I can understand your feeling that we haven't quite finished this chapter, so it can't possibly be time to move on already.

You see, we are in the midst of a global pandemic. A novel coronavirus has been spreading throughout the world since late 2019, and through the U.S. in earnest since March. As of March 16, we put ourselves in "safer at home" self-quarantine and have barely left the house since then. The goal was to "flatten the curve," to slow the spread of the virus enough that our hospitals and healthcare systems would not be overloaded. The remainder of the school year was canceled, and you finished kindergarten via virtual learning. Churches, stores, museums, everything closed - even Disney World! The restaurants that did stay open were only open for takeout and delivery, and shelves were picked clean at grocery stores. Things got really bad in major cities right away - New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami. Things stayed pretty under control in our neck of the woods, however, so in May things started to open back up. First the beaches, then restaurants with limited capacity, then more and more businesses and activities. However, now we're seeing a surge in virus cases in our state and so the threat feels very imminent once again. Yet now the people are tired of restrictions, resistant to wearing masks, and some even question if the virus is actually real, or as serious as it is made out to be. So, I'm a bit apprehensive of what may still be to come for us.

Our family does take the whole thing very seriously, however, and it has dominated our lives for the past four months. Aside from grocery or other food pickup, daily evening walks, and bi-weekly trips to the beach (where we stay FAR away from any other people), we don't leave the house. We did attempt to go to the zoo once, but the unmasked crowds forced us to leave shortly after we got there because we didn't feel it was safe enough. Of course, just last week our mayor issued a mask mandate for our county, which may or may not help things. But as for us, when we do go out where we may in any way interact with others, we wear masks. I even made you and Bunny matching ones to try to bring some lightheartedness to what can be a pretty stressful environment.

All this to say, you really were cheated out of your last few months of being five, and certainly the last couple of months of kindergarten.You didn't get to go on your zoo field trip with your class (and for many weeks after schools closed you would remind me to keep an eye on my email in case your teacher emailed and told you to wear your class shirt, because that would mean you were going to the zoo after all). You didn't get to celebrate your birthday at school. Almost your entire t-ball season was canceled. We missed out on several Disney trips. You had a virtual kindergarten graduation instead of an in-person performance (and you cried when it was over, because you didn't REALLY get to say goodbye to your friends and teacher). We "attended" church on Easter Sunday via YouTube. Instead of spending the month of June at Papa's house with Aunt Heather, Aunt Molly and your cousins as we planned, we spent our days walking the neighborhood and tie-dying shirts at our own house. We had planned to celebrate your birthday with a weekend stay at Legoland, but instead we stayed home and made the most of things. 

All this breaks my heart, because I know that you and Ellie only get one childhood. It kills me to see you "missing it." We're doing our best to keep things fun and interesting even in these circumstances, but clearly this is not what I would have wanted for your childhood. And I don't know how long it will last, or how long I can keep putting a positive spin on things for you. I haven't yet told you that you will likely still be attending school via at-home computer screen in the fall, or that Halloween trick-or-treating may very well be canceled. It's easy for me to lose myself in the sadness of what is lost, but we are trying to take it one day at a time and do what we can to build happy memories, so that your recollection of this time is much more rosy than mine will be.

But I'll tell you what, buddy, you and Ellie have been real troopers. Sure, there have been moments when you've really felt the weight of what's going on and how it is affecting your life. There have definitely been tears and breakdowns, for all of us. But you really have rolled with the punches and done very well - you were a good sport for online school, you play well with Ellie (most of the time), and you've mastered your scooter which helps make our walks more tolerable to you. You seem pretty content to be at home a lot of the time, especially because you have tons more time to build LEGO now than you did a few months ago!

LEGO is everything to you right now. You spend almost all of your free time building things and you are very creative, always making creations with elaborate stories, even with the sort of limited brick selection we have. We also watched a show call Lego Masters at the start of quarantine, in which a series of LEGO builder pairs competed for the title of Master Builder. You had a favorite team and you cried when they were eliminated, but you loved the show and you love to make your own "Building With E.J." how-to videos for me to send to your cousins. For your birthday "party" this year, we had a whole LEGO day at home (yes, I'm writing this letter a couple days AFTER your birthday! For shame!). We had LEGO decorations, a LEGO cake with minifigs holding your candles, and the main event was a big scavenger hunt that led you to eight different LEGO sets hidden around the house. We spent the day building, building, building and you loved it!

You still like baseball, though that has sort of taken a backseat given that everything baseball-related has been canceled. Your spring t-ball season was canceled after only three games, the Jumbo Shrimp season has been canceled, and Major League Baseball is attempting to resume their season later this month but there is much skepticism about how realistic that really is. But, you do still like to go out in the front yard and hit some home runs - a major highlight of your birthday this year was doing so under the neighborhood fireworks, as they do in The Sandlot! You really are getting good, even with pretty minimal practice! You're getting so much better at catching and throwing, and assuming we can resume t-ball next year, your dreams of hitting a home run over the fence will likely be realized. A major highlight from the fall season this year was you calling your shot, Babe Ruth style, and then hitting it right where you called it. You are something else and people always loved to watch you when you were up to bat. Some opposing team coaches jokingly accused us of corking our bats after your turn at bat this season! I sure do hope you can get back to where you left off soon.

You did very well in kindergarten this year! Our decision to move you forward rather than giving you another year in preschool was a good one. You loved your class and your teacher and made some great little friends. Your reading has progressed quite well, and your teacher says you really enjoy math, too. I was lucky enough to be able to chaperone a couple of your field trips and class parties in the fall, and I loved seeing you thriving in your school environment!

You still love all things Halloween and spooky, and you've been talking about what we will be for Halloween this year since September (yes, before last year's Halloween had even passed!). You love rollercoasters and Star Wars and macaroni and cheese. Your favorite color is still blue, and your favorite TV shows include The Clone Wars, Lego Masters, and Xavier Riddle and the Secret Museum. Your favorite movies are The Last Jedi and the The Sandlot. Your favorite ride at Disney World is the Haunted Mansion, though the two new Star Wars rides at Hollywood Studios might give it a run for its money these days. Your favorite restaurant is Chick-Fil-A. You sleep on the bottom bunk, and you like to hang blankets around the perimeter to form a "cave," and you hang toys and stuffed animals from the slats above you so they look like bats. You say "musician" when you mean to say "magician" (and nobody is in a hurry to correct you). You love to FaceTime with family, though you are also notorious for being the one to say "so should we end the call?" as soon as there's a lull in conversation. Your best friends this year were Emory, Angelo, Eli and Micah. Your favorite music varies, often depending on the hot movie du juor - recently you've been on a Hamilton soundtrack kick ("Guns and Ships" is your favorite), but you also like soundtracks to Aladdin, Lego Ninjago, and Lego Movie 2. You have learned how to ride your Spiderman scooter and you love to coast down hills. You still laugh yourself into hiccups and love to be tickled. You are very expressive when you speak and you make the funniest emotive faces. You've got charisma!

You are also very sweet. Sure, you have your ornery and contrarian moments, but don't we all? But you have such a sweet side. When you see two butterflies flying together you say, "Look, Mama! That's you and me!" and when I have the hiccups, you run and get me a cup of water with a straw so I can try the trick for getting rid of them that you saw on TV. You are thoughtful and kind - for example, for Ellie's birthday, you made her a Lego "doll," worked very hard on a homemade Frozen birthday card for her, chose a perfect Frozen-themed Lego set to buy for her (and you already had it in mind, it wasn't something I suggested), and chose to dress in your Olaf t-shirt in her honor. You also suggested that we drive you around the block so you could be a part of her birthday car parade! I also often find little LEGO creations that you make for me waiting on my desk (flowers, a panda, us in minifig form), and even little "I love you notes." They are all so special to me!

I will say, in looking back at last year's letter, you seem to have done some solid growing up this year. You no longer take naps, you're able to do an assortment of things for yourself (get your own breakfast, turn on your PBS Kids show in the morning, get your own cup of water, etc.), and you're finally tall enough for some of the bigger rollercoasters at Disney (though that will have to wait!). You speak well and have a great memory. You play well independently (as I mentioned, you could build LEGO on your own for hours), as well as playing great elaborate pretend play games with Ellie. You still like costumes, though they're not a daily staple like they once were. You don't need me to sing to you at night anymore, though you do still ask for a round of Twinkle, Twinkle if you've had a bad dream.

Last year I was lamenting the transition from young-childhood to school-age for you, and that continues to play out. I'm still holding tight to any threads of baby you that are still hanging on - you still often ask for snuggles (and I can still fit you in my lap!), you often come out of your room at night to ask for another hug, you still reach for my hand when we're out walking. When your LEGO creation breaks, you cry and seek my help in repairing it. I see you growing and changing so fast, and those moments where you still need me just to be there are very dear to me.

Sometimes, out of nowhere, you'll ask insightful questions that speak to what may be going on in your head, even if you're not particularly forthcoming about it usually (for example, you recently asked me if I ever get scared, which I believe reflected what you might be feeling about the pandemic). You have this sort of quiet, subtle way to let me know that you're working through something and I love that you trust me enough to ask those questions.

E.J., I hope you know how much you are loved. And not only by our little family, but by so many people in your life. For your birthday this year, since you couldn't have a party, I posted on Facebook asking for people to send me videos of themselves wishing you a happy birthday. I thought I'd get a handful from family and hopefully a couple of friends, but buddy, I got 45 videos. Forty-five! One woman from our church even spent three evenings wandering the neighborhood, asking strangers to sing to you. We got videos from friends, family, your teacher, your pastors and other church leaders, just so many people who wanted to brighten your day. You leave an impression on people, buddy. You make people smile and they want to return the favor. 

I think you did enjoy your birthday this year, even if it didn't look like we would have wanted it to. One thing this pandemic has really made clear to me is that our family is everything we need. I know everyone says that; I always have. But we are also a family of "do-ers." We go places and do things and dress in costume and throw crazy birthday parties and travel to fun places. Now that we are stuck at home, our family identity is sort of being tested. We can't do all the things we usually do. That could really be a tough adjustment for us - and sure, to an extent, it has been. We miss doing a lot of our usual activities, of course. But we are also having so much fun together. I feel like this quarantine has been one example after another of me thinking "oh no, we're going to be in quarantine for xyz occasion, I can't even imagine it, how disappointing" and then somehow, we find a way to make that occasion just as special and memorable (if not more so) than any other has ever been. Even being stuck at home, we're enjoying ourselves and our time together just as much as ever before. We've got a really special thing here, buddy.

E.J., I don't know what the next year will look like for you. I mean, I never do, really, but this year feels much more uncertain than probably any year of your life thus far. I don't know what is to come for our city, our country, our world. I don't know what your schooling will look like, or when you will return to t-ball, or how we'll celebrate Christmas this year. I don't know when you'll next play on a public playground or hug a friend. I don't know what toll any of this will take on you, both in the immediate weeks and months, and long term. All I can do is try my best to help you form great memories from this time, to feel loved and supported, to feel as safe as possible, and to keep you moving forward and growing and developing as best as I can in the situation at hand. It's a tall task, to be sure, but you are so, so worth it. 

And the one thing I know is that we are lucky to have each other. We're lucky to have you, buddy - you to snuggle in close, to show us your latest builds with such enthusiasm, to give one last hug to at night, to make us laugh, to remind us to put the world aside and have some fun for a while. Thank you for what you bring to our family. Thank you for being you. 

I love you so much, nugget. I'm always here for whatever you need. Always.

All my love,

Mama

* * * * *

Dear E.J.,

Happy birthday! Congrats on wrapping up another great year! A few nights before your birthday, you cried because you liked being five so much. That’s understandable because you spend so much of your days doing things you love. It probably also helps that there are so many things you like doing and that you are pretty good at most of them. I feel pretty confident this will continue to be true for at least the next few years and hope it’s still pretty true when you get around to reading this. When writing a letter like this, there’s always so much that could be said. I mean, we wrote you letters each of your first twelve months and you couldn’t even really do anything! What I want to try to do instead this year is to tell you a couple of stories that stand out now and that I think you might like to know about someday.

The Great EJ-Bino

Last time we checked in, you had started down a path to being super into baseball. I am very happy to report that, although you’ve branched out a bit into LEGO, some kicking and dribbling, as well as a renewed Star Wars obsession, baseball is still way up there. After your 5th birthday, we kept practicing all the time, and read a bunch of baseball books, actually we read all the baseball books our library had in its kids section, including stories about Joe DiMaggio and his bat, Jackie Robinson, and Babe Ruth. The Sandlot became your favorite movie and we got to visit the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown and watch a bunch of games in person on our road trip (Phillies, Mets, Indians and Reds). The Mets game was particularly memorable because it was just you and me and we had such a great time! You looked like you felt so cool riding the subway out to Queens and walking around the big stadium. We got a Mr. Met on the Moon bobblehead, Mr. Met signed your baseball card and you even hit a ball over the fence at “Kiddie” field in the kids area. You still talk about details from that game any time we hear anything about the Mets or the Pirates. 

But the fun really kicked up a notch in the fall. I feel pretty confident saying that you were, pound-for-pound, the best hitter in the tee ball league. All season, I could hear parents from both teams telling their friends they had to watch you bat and, even though you are still one of the smallest players on our team, there were multiple opposing coaches who joked about having you tested for PEDs after the game. You even made a kid cry with a line drive to third base. It’s okay, he’s fine. Besides hitting the ball hard, it was also fun to watch because you took it so seriously. You have a really elaborate pre-swing routine like your favorite major leaguers. You hold up a hand, as if to call for time, while you dig your cleats into the box, and then loop your bat a couple of times to get loose. All the while the ball is just sitting there because you are five and its tee ball. I just love it. But there was one at bat that will forever be a part of EJ lore, and it’s a major reason baseball is our first story. Early in the season you walked up to the plate for your second at bat of the game. You looked so purposeful as you walked to the plate, and you moved with a good bit of swagger. Before settling in you lifted your left hand and pointed one finger at center field. Yes, I’m serious. Inspired by your favorite Hall of Famer and your number three jersey, you called your shot at five years old in a tee ball game where nobody had any idea what was happening. And to seal the deal, you ripped one over second base and it was amazing.

Before I move on, I also want to point out that it has been interesting as a parent, coach and former teacher to see that your prowess is primarily the result of hard work. I hope you have decent baseball genes (I mean, who wouldn’t want to take credit), but your growth from year one to two is so clearly the result of the countless hours you spent practicing. I think it helps that it doesn’t feel like work, but that you really enjoy playing and want to do it all the time. Either way, it’s been a great, and clear, example of the value of practice. I hope you always work hard and believe you can do anything you decide you want to do. 

You can’t control the cards you’re dealt, just how you play the hand

Not to take anything away from an eventful year 6 and all of the fun ways you’re growing up, but the biggest story in 2020 is the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic and the 100+ days we’ve spent in quarantine. Unfortunately, this story is still being written and I think we’re too deep in it for me to step back and have any significant reflections to share right now. I can say that I hope you and Ellie are at just the right age to be able to keep learning and to play and entertain each other, without missing out on things that have a high probability of being significant. Neither of you are changing school levels, or missing out on a prom, science fair or a key field trip. You don’t yet hang out with friends outside of school, and you are too young to be playing sports competitively or meaningfully participating in other extracurricular activities. Nonetheless, it stinks that you didn’t get to finish kindergarten, that you had 70% of our tee ball season cancelled, and that we won’t get to take a trip this summer. Most of all, it stinks that I don’t know when this list is going to stop getting longer.

I hesitate to call anything a silver lining, but my second story is the result of something that started because of this situation. You, me and Ellie are now regular card players, mostly poker and blackjack, and I’ve been performing a couple of magic tricks every week for the past two months. I have no idea how long the magic hobby will last, but I spent a lot of time playing cards when I was younger and I think it’s great for building number fluency and strategic thinking, in addition just plain being fun. I’ve always liked magic-Mama and I even met David Blaine in Times Square-but it wasn’t until we had so much extra time to fill that I got the push I needed to give it a try. It also helped that Mama started having hours-long calls some evenings with her sister and family because it really takes practice!

Some of my first tricks involved having a Lego minifigure bend a quarter and changing all of the M&Ms in a bag to chosen color, though most of the subsequent tricks have focused on card magic. I am working my way through Hugard’s The Royal Road to Card Magic and magicians like Chris Ramsey and Alex Pandrea on YouTube have been super helpful. I can’t believe so much information was just sitting out there this whole time. It’s easier than it has ever been to learn what you want, and I can’t help but wonder how you and your peers will be able to discern the best and most valuable information from the glut that is only going to get bigger. In any event, your faces and reactions to the magic have been so awesome and are what drive me to keep learning. It’s also the first thing you and Ellie suggest when I ask what you want to do each weekend. But, the most fun part for me has been watching you guys try to replicate the tricks. For example, you had M&Ms for dessert every day after the first show, though you weren’t quite able to make any magic happen. Cards have been a different story and that’s what I really wanted to share with you. 

I think there are two ways to interpret a “magic trick,” which depend largely on which word does most of the work. Either it’s magic, such that some people have it and others don’t, or it’s a trick and things are not what they seem. Most kids, including your sister, are awed by magic, only to get frustrated when they do what they thought they saw and have it not work. It took you maybe two weeks to figure out it couldn’t be that simple and that you needed to take matters into your own hands. We were outside playing when you brought out a deck and had Ellie pick a card. You turned around and fumbled with the cards, before turning back and dealing a couple off the top that you knew weren’t hers. You then secretly dealt her card from the bottom of the deck and she loved it. I may not have reacted as loudly as she did, but I loved it, too. It’s obviously not the cleanest trick in the world, but you basically invented your own sleight of hand! Since then, you’ve also started setting up the deck to be able to guess a spectator’s card, and dealt yourself four aces on more than one occasion when you were playing poker with Ellie. I hope you get good enough that you don’t need to cheat, or, at least, that you learn to disguise it better. Mostly, I’m really interested to see what this cleverness means. It’s too soon to speculate, but I thought it was cool and worth noting.

Various and Sundry

I know I said I’d try to work with only a few stories, but I wanted to let you know there were lots of other things we could have covered here, such as: 

• Your Mother’s Day stormtrooper dance or the other performances you’ve done this year, acting out shows, playing on the piano, or with the recorder. 

• Lego. You build constantly, are really creative and detail-oriented, and keep getting better all the time. We also watched the Lego Masters TV show as a family and you cried when your favorite team was sent home early. 

• Your impressive memory for names. Whenever we see a kid from your school, you almost always know who they are and which class they’re in. From what I see, it’s pretty rare, but I think it fits well with the charisma narrative I started to build in an earlier letter. 

• You’re still pretty small for your age, which I think could actually help you develop better in sports without being able to rely on size or strength advantages, like most of the kids who will stand out in youth leagues. But, this year, it also meant you could go as Abu to my Aladdin for Halloween. It was super fun to walk around with you sitting on my shoulder. 

E.J., I just love that you’re my little buddy and I think you like it almost as much as I do. I hope it never changes even when you’re not so little. You’re so special and I love you so much.

All my love,

Daddy