Dear E.J. - 8 Years

My dear E.J.,

Happy birthday, buddy! You're eight years old now! How exciting! You are definitely the coolest eight-year-old I know.

This year has been marked by "getting back into things." Covid-19 is still circulating, but nearly all of our normal pre-pandemic activities have resumed and we're figuring our way through the whole thing. Our whole family has been vaccinated (and boosted), and the virus variants making their way around now are less severe, so although we'd still love to avoid getting sick, the threat has diminished enough that we're getting back to regular life.

You went back to in-person school this year for second grade (with a mask), and thus finally completed your first full school year in a face-to-face elementary classroom (your kindergarten year was abbreviated when things shut down, and first grade was completed virtually). You adjusted well to the change, making friends quickly and easily. You've developed a group of buddies that you love to play sports with at recess, and extracurricularly, too. You liked your teachers (you kept the same teachers from first grade), earned the Leader in Action award for your class in the fall, and got very good grades, including a certificate for your "vivid vocabulary." You are an incredible speller and your reading has improved drastically - you're even reading Harry Potter books at night, all on your own! You are impressively fluent in math; if you're focused, you can break down numbers and solve problems in your head with ease. We're working on honing that focus, as sometimes your test grades this year didn't reflect your true abilities, but we'll get there! Overall I was really impressed with how well you adjusted to being back in the classroom, how hard you worked, how you wore your mask even in the face of peer pressure, how you rolled with the punches, and how effortlessly you made great new friends.

The BIG THING for you right now is baseball. After taking a backseat to Lego last year (presumably thanks to skipping out on team play in favor of at-home activities during the pandemic), baseball has reclaimed it's throne as Your Most Favorite Thing. We rejoined the Hendricks Avenue Baseball League last fall, where you started in the 8u machine-pitch division for the first time. We didn't have the best experience in your first season (in my humble, not-at-all-biased-because-I'm-your-mother-and-number-one-fan-forever-and-ever opinion, your skills were overlooked and undervalued), but your love of the game was back and we dove in full-force in the spring season. In the spring, you hit lead-off for the Rays, hit your first ever homerun (of many to come, I'm sure) and were nominated by your coach to try out for Advanced Baseball. You didn't make it onto the AB team this time around (don't get me and my not-at-all-biased-etc. opinion started), but I think that's ultimately for the best, because it was a huge time commitment that I'm not sure we (read: I) are ready for yet. Either way, you improved so much over the season, and even more so since it ended. Every day after school you would go outside and just throw the ball to yourself, over and over, and now that we're on summer break, you only have more time to dedicate to practice. Papa sent you a new pitch-back (you had been using an old pallet previously!), and you have mastered the path to run around the block and retrieve any balls hit or thrown over our fence. You ask Daddy to come out and throw with you nearly every day, and often ask to go to the field and actually practice. I'm not kidding, E.J. - EVERY. DAY. You're a beast and it's all you want to do. Your catching and throwing has improved by leaps and bounds, and you're going to be a star in the upcoming fall season, I'm sure of it.

But it's not just playing baseball. Baseball is LIFE. You talk about baseball constantly. You wear a full baseball uniform every day: jersey, pants, belt, even high socks. We have baseball on TV regularly. You know so many of the players and still collect baseball cards. Your favorite team is still the Los Angeles Angels, with the Cleveland Guardians (new name!) and Tampa Bay Rays being other favorites in our house. You have things set up on our Amazon Echo so you can just say, "Alexa, give me my sports update!" and she'll tell you all about your favorite teams - scores from the previous day, and upcoming schedule. Every night when the Angels play, you tell Daddy to wake you up if there's a walk-off win. You even got your hair cut to look like Max Stassi (Angels catcher). You play the MLB The Show video game regularly and give us updates on your progress in that every morning. As I write this (belated this year, I'm sorry!!!) you're at baseball camp at Jacksonville University, which you've been looking forward to all summer. You went to Daddy's Springfield baseball practices enough in June that you earned a spot as official bat boy at the throwback baseball game on the Fourth of July, and when the whole stadium sang Happy Birthday to you, you tipped your hat to them like a pro. In addition to spending your birthday in the East Side dugout, you had a double dose of baseball birthday party - an Angels party at home with family after the game on July 4th, and then a sort of Sandlot-style party with your friends at Klutho Park last weekend, where you all played baseball all morning, ate classic baseball snacks (peanuts, Cracker Jacks, popcorn, etc), and broke open a baseball piñata filled with baseball cards, bubble gum and Baby Ruth bars. And, your most favorite birthday gift this year? The Angels City Connect jersey you had been dying for but didn't think you'd be able to get - Daddy found a way to make it happen and you were SO HAPPY. Baseball is life!

Baseball might be the hands-down favorite activity this year, but you did dabble in a few others for the first time! In the spring, you played flag football with a bunch of friends from school, and you were super fast! You scored a bunch of touchdowns, thanks to your speed, and we have it all on video with me screaming like a lunatic in the background. You also tried your hand (foot?) at a casual soccer league in Springfield. It was a great way to test it out, and you had fun - we'll see if you play either of those sports again this year. Also, you've done a handful of one-mile races this year, and man, are you fast! In fact, you won your most recent race! Not just in your age group or gender - full-out WON. You beat EVERYBODY. You even beat the bicyclist who was supposed to be leading the way to show you the path! 

I fear the problem with being so good at all these things you enjoy is that when something doesn't go the way you expect, it's very frustrating. We've been trying to deal a bit with your temper when frustrated this year - if things aren't going your way (in sports or just in life), you tend to have an angry outburst and want to quit. We've been trying to help you learn how to cope with those frustrated feelings, calm yourself down, and find a more productive way to manage the situation. I'm not sure if we're doing a good job yet, but we're working on it. You're eight years old now, which means you're getting big, but sometimes those feelings are just bigger so hopefully we can help you find a way to not be quite so overwhelmed by them.

Speaking of big feelings, just as of late you've been working through some really big thoughts and emotions, and it has been keeping you up at night. You seem to be becoming aware of your own mortality and that of those you love, and you've been worried about something happening to you or us at night. You had a hard time voicing your real worries for a long time, instead blaming your sleepless nights on being scared of the dark or monsters and aliens, but Daddy finally had a breakthrough talk with you the other night and we got more to the bottom of things. I think Daddy was able to help - he said you told him he has "good words" and you have since mentioned how he helped you - which is good, because I know those are very scary thoughts and they're a lot for one boy to come to terms with. I hope you know that we're here to help you deal with things like that, and you can always talk to us when you're feeling scared or anxious. It breaks my heart that you ever have to feel that way at all. 

Now to shift to the other end of the spectrum, I'd like to give an example of how you were able to overcome big feelings (those frustrated ones I talked about earlier) this year - you recently learned how to ride a bike! It's still a work in progress as you figure out how to get going on a narrow Springfield sidewalk, but you persevered through your frustration and you're able to do it. I'm so proud of you! You're already looking forward to the Springfield Halloween Bike-A-Boo and I can't wait to have you along for it this time.

Some more about eight-year-old E.J.: You still love Harry Potter; we finished the books this past year (and watched all the movies), dressed as Harry Potter villains for Halloween, got nearly all Harry Potter Christmas gifts (you're still very proud to be a Slytherin), and went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios as our first big post-pandemic trip! You chose a stuffed niffler as your souvenir on our trip (named Hulkypoo), who was quickly elevated to the ranks of favorite "guys," but none can overtake Bunny, who is still your all-time favorite. You love chewing gum, fast food and macaroni and cheese. You love to play videogames, both on our Nintendo Switch and the iPad. Your best friends are Dexter and Emory. You lost a few teeth this year (including one in December that caused a run-in between the Tooth Fairy and our elf, Twinkle!) and grew three inches in height. You love the Los Angeles Angels and your favorite players are Mike Trout and Shohei Ohtani. You like to run and practice sliding along the length of our house. You've become more confident in the pool, even in the deep end. You mostly get along well with Ellie, aside from the normal sibling squabbles, and you're still quite enamored with Ruthie (she's been your valentine two years running now!). When you're not playing or watching baseball, you're still likely to be found upstairs at the Lego table, making some great creation (including a full minifig replica of the Angels team!). 

I probably say this every year, but this year more than ever I feel as if you are straddling the line between Little Boy and Big Boy. You're becoming increasingly independent, and I love to see you growing and becoming more and more confident in who you are. I like watching you walk out of school with swagger and high five all the fifth graders, seeing you running around and having so much fun with all your friends, catching you reading a big chapter book and hearing you tell us about what you read, watching you doing more chores around the house and meeting your own needs. Sometimes I feel like you are very grown up, indeed.

But then sometimes, you'll grab a blanket and cuddle up with me on the couch and hold my hand. You still sleep with Bunny in your arms every night. Sometimes your voice still sounds like Little E.J., and sometimes I still see Baby You in your face. Sometimes you still need your Mama. And oh, boy, do I cherish that. I don't know how much longer you'll feel that way, but I love that for now, we're still linked a little bit as Mama and Baby. I hope you won't be in too much of a hurry to grow up and outgrow me, buddy...let's spend a little more time right here, what do you say?

It's funny, motherhood, isn't it? Just two sentences ago I was asking you to stay small, and my heart desperately wishes that you could. But at the same time, watching you grow up is the greatest joy of my life. I'm so proud of you and so excited about the Big Boy you are becoming. What a cool kid he is! And how lucky I am to call him my son. Having a front row seat to your growing up is my favorite thing. I guess the whole thing is just sort of bittersweet....but certainly more sweet than anything.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a mama to such an awesome boy. I love you so much, nugget. Happy birthday.

All my love,

Mama

* * * * * 

Dear E.J.,

 

Happy birthday! It’s so cool that you’re eight, but I’m secretly glad you still have so many years left to grow up! We are starting to share a lot of common interests–playing sports, watching sports, running, snacking, playing the switch, and just generally being outside–and I really enjoy spending time with you. 

 

This year, you were back at school in-person for the entire school year. It was a really tough decision, which is so true of parenting generally. Firstly, it’s so much harder to make decisions for some else, especially when you care about them immeasurably, and are fairly invested in how things end up. You obviously never know how a decision is going to turn out before you make it, nor can you find out what would have happened if you had chosen differently. You weigh the pros and cons of each option and try as best you can to weight them with the likelihood each good or bad outcome will be the one that happens. Then you pick and try not to second guess. It helps to have someone else to brainstorm with, though it does raise the stakes even more because you don’t want to let them down either. 

 

With that said, I’m very happy to report that sending you back to school was a success! You didn’t get COVID and picked right back up getting good grades and making some good friends. The one thing I’d want to say is that to the extent your grades weren’t perfect (don’t worry, I think it was maybe two quarter Bs total), it seems like a question of focus more than one of ability. For example, there were several homework assignments for which you delayed starting, even getting upset or frustrated because you though it would take “too long” or be “too hard.” Once we were able to get you to calm down and try to figure out what you needed to do, you’d knock it out quickly and correctly. The same thing actually happened with learning to ride a bike. For starters, you barely tried until you were almost 8. Sweetly, you were motivated not by peer pressure or the famous Springfield holiday rides, but by the hope you could pick it up in time for Mother’s Day and ride with Mama to a local breakfast place. The week before, while the girls were at an hours-long event, you almost quit one block into our first official practice. Once we finally got to the parking lot, you had to take breaks to talk through the plan and whether and how to keep trying every 15-20 minutes. All told, it took you about two hours total (across two days) to get it, but you sure turned the stress level way up on something I knew you’d be able to do. 

 

I hope we can work through this mental roadblock soon. Along these lines, I sometimes wonder whether we did the right thing starting you in school young, but it is just so obvious that you can handle the content and keep up with older kids athletically. The best I can figure is that you are still young, and I am not so sure your teachers have been looking for you to have so much natural ability because you are a small, active boy. It doesn’t help that each year you have had teachers teaching the grade for the first time. To be clear, my real concern is that you don’t seem to realize how smart and capable you are. It’s a question of confidence more than competence, and I hope you figure it out!

 

Several thoughts ago, I mentioned you made a great group of friends. It sounds like you all played sports, primarily baseball and football, at recess just about every day. I definitely remember doing that as a kid, but I’m not so sure I started in second grade! One of your friends invited you to join the others on an organized flag football team and you were excited to give it a try. Before the season started, you, Ellie and I would go to nearby fields and practice running plays and I tried to teach you about juking and cutting. During on eof the 1-on-1 games, you kept running long routes despite not really being able to catch yet. You got really frustrated that I wasn’t throwing you the ball, so I did. And it hit you right in the face. I know you should never negotiate with, much less give in to, terrorists (or 7-year olds). I should have known better and I’m sorry! Fortunately, you weren’t traumatized and ended up being a real asset to your Ravens team. You were the shortest kid but actually tied for the team lead with 6 touchdowns in 8 games! And compared to the number of touches you had, your conversion rate was way ahead of everyone else! It was surreal to see you make good instinctive decisions with the ball, whether to beat a defender to the outside, juke, or make a single cut before getting up the field. As your coordination develops and your hands get bigger, you might really have a lot of fun playing. 

 

In other sports news, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how much you run. Besides sports and some training with me around Springfield, on a local track, and in the Swamp (the football field was open for graduation pics the week after the Spring game when were in Gainesville), you must have done hundreds of laps around the house and thousands of sprints back and forth down our hallway. You want to race me for your birthday this year and we’ve settled on an annual 100m dash. I’m not worried about this year, but I’m really curious to see how many years it will be until you get me. You also had a couple of chances to race the mile. The first time was the Girl Scout Thin Mint Sprint at the Zoo. You went out fast and had built up a decent lead when we saw you about a quarter of a mile in. But between that point and the finish, the staff directed you off course, and the route itself was cut in half. You ended up crossing the finish line behind a lot of people and were so mad about the mix up you didn’t want to enter the Junior River Run the next month. Fortunately, we talked you into giving it another shot at the Jacksonville Great Fire Run. You went out really fast again on an out and back course and when you reappeared near the finish, you had built up a good lead, finishing even stronger than you started in around 6:50! You beat everyone else who entered! Ellie was great, too, so I am hopeful there will be many more races in our future.   

 

With all apologies for burying the lead, it would be impossible to tell the story of you at 8 years old without baseball. After taking a year off from little league due to COVID, you jumped back in with both feet and haven’t looked back! Your first season in the 8u machine pitch league wasn’t what I was hoping for with a very inexperienced coach and several kids who could have aged out but decided to play down another season. You didn’t get any meaningful instruction as a Marlin, the coach batted you 12^th (out of 12) almost every game, and didn’t give you a single rep at 1B, 2B or SS. Even so, you hit almost .650 with twice as many hits as strikeouts. So you can imagine our surprise when you stated the next season hitting lead off and playing SS for the Rays! I was so proud of you for working through your admitted nerves about hitting first after practice the night before when you missed 12 straight pitches off the machine. I think you had 4 first pitch hits and kicked off a really fun season. A season in which you had your first inside the park home run before you really knew how to run the bases! I worry I ruined the video by screaming at you to take each base because you kept stopping even though the ball went all the way to the fence. You were invited to try out for the league’s advanced baseball team, but had some trouble fielding the ball after we practiced the week before with some much older kids who hit the ball much harder than you were used to. Even though it didn’t work out, you’ve taken that experience and spent almost every day this summer throwing and catching with your new pitchback screen and asking me to play catch any chance we can. You have gotten so much better as a result of your own interest, initiative, and work, and I am so excited to be your head coach this year! There is so much more to say about you and baseball, but I am running out of self-imposed space. In short:

• You dress for a baseball game four out of every five days, complete with baseball pants, belt, long socks, a baseball shirt of some kind, and a hat;
• We watch baseball regularly, and you especially love the Angels;
• You know their entire lineup and rotation, and your favorite players are Mike Trout and Shohei Ohtani;
• You recently got your hair cut to look like Max Stassi, their catcher, which is the second Angels player to inspire your hair styling;
• Your favorite birthday present was a Mike Trout Angels City Connect jersey and you used your loose birthday money to buy the City Connect hat;
• You set up an Amazon notification to get baseball scores each morning for your favorite teams;
• You are lowkey obsessed with walk-offs and bat flips;
• Of all the books at our local book store, you picked a vintage Joe DiMaggio instructional guide to spend your gift card on; and
• You are getting really good at MLB The Show 22 (You call it the Show-tani because Shohei is on the cover).

 I want to end on a more serious note. You have been thinking some big thoughts lately. I’m not sure whether it was a coincidence or a catalyst, but ever since we watched Men In Black, you have started sleeping with a light on and calling me or your Mama up to talk after we’ve put you to bed. Essentially, you don’t want to die and you don’t want us to, either. You seem comforted by the idea that it is okay for people to die because God has a plan for all of us and Heaven must be a pretty cool place. You also decided you’re probably okay because God wouldn’t have much use for you now in Heaven and that you could just ask when you get there if you need to. I’m not sure what was helpful, but you told me I have pretty good words for things like this. I hope so, and I hope you know I am always here to listen and help you think through anything you’re working through, no matter how big or small or how old you are. 

 

I apologize for writing you the longest letter in the history of letters and totally understand if you never make it through the whole thing. In case you just skipped to the end, we are having a lot of fun together, you’re getting really good at stuff, and don’t realize how good you are at other stuff. Parenting is hard, and also the best. I love you so much, little buddy. Happy birthday! 

 

All my love!

Daddy