We Regret to Inform You...

Before I begin this post, I want to say that I had a great weekend with my Mom and Gary. We had a wonderful visit, topped off with a lovely flight-delaying blizzard, and I can't wait to share pictures and stories with you. I'll be back tomorrow to do so. But for now, I must bear the bad news. 

I didn't get in.

The letter came in the mail yesterday. I knew as soon as I saw the thin envelope from the Office of Admissions that it was bad news. I couldn't believe it at first. I'm not sure I believe it yet, even now. I guess my "cautious optimism" was not cautious enough, because I didn't expect this and am very disappointed.

I put so much hard work into getting my application together. I studied so hard for the GRE. I struggled to contact old professors to get recommendation letters. I put together the best personal statement I could. I went through that long, grueling Interview Day. I'm so disappointed that all that work didn't pay off. I'm trying to reassure myself that at least I can say I tried my best. It would be hard to get that rejection letter and know that I could have done more. And I know there was nothing more I could do. But that also stings - to know that I tried my hardest and it wasn't good enough.

It's also is hard not to take it personally. At Interview Day, they said that everyone that got called in for interviews had great credentials. Everyone looked good on paper and was qualified, so Interview Day was just a way for them to get to know us better to see if we'd fit with the program. So now, all I can think is that on paper I was qualified, but they just didn't like me. Ouch.

Now I'm back to a very "what do I do now?" kind of phase. I had thought the next five years of my life were figured out. Do I try to apply again? I would have to wait a whole year before I could reapply to the program, or any other program for that matter. I guess in the mean time, the job search will commence full-time after all my travel this month. I hope I'll be able to find something decent. Two incomes will be great for us, so I know that's good, but it's just not what I thought my next step would be.

Eric did a good job of cheering me up last night. I know he, too, has had to deal with rejection and things not working out like you think they will. He said now when he looks back, he can see that those things weren't meant to work out. He can see how his life is different now because of it, and everything is as it should be. I know he's right, and that if this didn't happen it's because it wasn't meant to happen. Something else is in store for me. I'm glad I gave it a shot, because I would regret it if I had not even tried. But I have faith that God knows where I am headed next, and it will be even better for me. I just hope I get clued in to the plan soon.