Never Too Old to Hold Hands

Across the years I will walk with you -
in deep green forests; on shores of sand:
and when our time on earth is through,
in heaven, too, you will have my hand.
- "The Promise," by Robert Sexton

Eric and I are leaving first thing tomorrow morning for Kristina's wedding. You know by my post about my own bridal shower and bachelorette party that this wedding has been stirring up memories of my own. Not only that, it has inspired me to reflect on marriage a bit.

I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again: I love being married to Eric. When we got married, we were already living together, sharing many expenses and the housework, and had been dating for years. We felt like everything was perfect, and I did not think much would change after we exchanged vows. But really, something did change. I can't even explain what it was, but since our wedding, our relationship has been better than ever. Things just feel different. It's amazing, and it is a feeling that I pray will last for the rest of our life together.

I came across this writing about marriage the other day, and it really appealed to me:

The Art of a Good Marriage
by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow old.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

I know I'm still new to the whole marriage thing. I know I still have a lot to learn. Things have been nothing but smooth sailing for us, really, since our wedding. I know that we will face tough times someday. I'm sure there will be times when we want to give up. But I believe that, as the poem above describes, happiness in a marriage doesn't just happen. And I believe that both Eric and I want the same future together, and are willing to work on it. I once read somewhere that marriage isn't a 50-50% partnership. Rather, each partner must give 100%, because there will be times when one person can't give their full share. If things are 50-50, then when one person falls short, the relationship will be lacking. If things are 100-100, then even when one person struggles, the other makes up the difference and pulls their partner through. I love that way of looking at it, and I think we're a 100-100 marriage thus far!

When I think of true, till-death-do-us-part love, I always think of my grandparents. Both sets of my grandparents were married over 50 years, until death parted them. That is something that is becoming increasingly rare these days, and something to be admired. I was there for my maternal grandmother's last days before she passed away, and I will never forget my grandfather during that time. He almost never left her side, but I remember one time that he did. I was sitting with her and playing with her hair, which was short and white as it was growing back after chemotherapy. She was always beautiful, but this new hair was a far cry from the perfectly-styled blonde she had always been. As I sat with her, my grandfather came back into the room and said something along the lines of, "There's my sweetheart. Isn't she beautiful?" His love for her just filled the whole house. You could feel it. His words and his undying devotion to his wife left such an impression on me. It's what I strive for in my own marriage. Not only do I want that for myself, but I also want to be that example for my children and grandchildren someday.

On a much lighter note, so far our marriage has just been fun. Eric and I really have a great time together. Sure, we are lucky enough to have the opportunity to do lots of fun things thanks to our city of residence, and we try to take advantage of that. But I don't think our relationship would be any less fun no matter where we lived. I enjoy my time with him just as much at a Broadway show or fancy dinner as I do with pizza on the couch while we watch American Idol. This line of thought reminds me of a response to a question I once read on a questionnaire I was reviewing. I saved the response because I just loved it. Of course I didn't save any identifying info about the person who filled it out, but if memory serves it was an elderly gentleman. I loved what he said about his wife, and hope that in 50 years Eric will be writing the same thing about me on some questionnaire:


Isn't that sweet?

I wish Kristina and Frankie all the best in their marriage. May they always hold hands, have fun, and be the right partner for each other. And to my own husband - thank you, Eric, for getting our marriage off to such a wonderful start. I'm looking forward to many, many more years of being your wife, and if I can help it, we will never think we're too old to hold hands.