Dear E.J. - 8 Years

My dear E.J.,

Happy birthday, buddy! You're eight years old now! How exciting! You are definitely the coolest eight-year-old I know.

This year has been marked by "getting back into things." Covid-19 is still circulating, but nearly all of our normal pre-pandemic activities have resumed and we're figuring our way through the whole thing. Our whole family has been vaccinated (and boosted), and the virus variants making their way around now are less severe, so although we'd still love to avoid getting sick, the threat has diminished enough that we're getting back to regular life.

You went back to in-person school this year for second grade (with a mask), and thus finally completed your first full school year in a face-to-face elementary classroom (your kindergarten year was abbreviated when things shut down, and first grade was completed virtually). You adjusted well to the change, making friends quickly and easily. You've developed a group of buddies that you love to play sports with at recess, and extracurricularly, too. You liked your teachers (you kept the same teachers from first grade), earned the Leader in Action award for your class in the fall, and got very good grades, including a certificate for your "vivid vocabulary." You are an incredible speller and your reading has improved drastically - you're even reading Harry Potter books at night, all on your own! You are impressively fluent in math; if you're focused, you can break down numbers and solve problems in your head with ease. We're working on honing that focus, as sometimes your test grades this year didn't reflect your true abilities, but we'll get there! Overall I was really impressed with how well you adjusted to being back in the classroom, how hard you worked, how you wore your mask even in the face of peer pressure, how you rolled with the punches, and how effortlessly you made great new friends.

The BIG THING for you right now is baseball. After taking a backseat to Lego last year (presumably thanks to skipping out on team play in favor of at-home activities during the pandemic), baseball has reclaimed it's throne as Your Most Favorite Thing. We rejoined the Hendricks Avenue Baseball League last fall, where you started in the 8u machine-pitch division for the first time. We didn't have the best experience in your first season (in my humble, not-at-all-biased-because-I'm-your-mother-and-number-one-fan-forever-and-ever opinion, your skills were overlooked and undervalued), but your love of the game was back and we dove in full-force in the spring season. In the spring, you hit lead-off for the Rays, hit your first ever homerun (of many to come, I'm sure) and were nominated by your coach to try out for Advanced Baseball. You didn't make it onto the AB team this time around (don't get me and my not-at-all-biased-etc. opinion started), but I think that's ultimately for the best, because it was a huge time commitment that I'm not sure we (read: I) are ready for yet. Either way, you improved so much over the season, and even more so since it ended. Every day after school you would go outside and just throw the ball to yourself, over and over, and now that we're on summer break, you only have more time to dedicate to practice. Papa sent you a new pitch-back (you had been using an old pallet previously!), and you have mastered the path to run around the block and retrieve any balls hit or thrown over our fence. You ask Daddy to come out and throw with you nearly every day, and often ask to go to the field and actually practice. I'm not kidding, E.J. - EVERY. DAY. You're a beast and it's all you want to do. Your catching and throwing has improved by leaps and bounds, and you're going to be a star in the upcoming fall season, I'm sure of it.

But it's not just playing baseball. Baseball is LIFE. You talk about baseball constantly. You wear a full baseball uniform every day: jersey, pants, belt, even high socks. We have baseball on TV regularly. You know so many of the players and still collect baseball cards. Your favorite team is still the Los Angeles Angels, with the Cleveland Guardians (new name!) and Tampa Bay Rays being other favorites in our house. You have things set up on our Amazon Echo so you can just say, "Alexa, give me my sports update!" and she'll tell you all about your favorite teams - scores from the previous day, and upcoming schedule. Every night when the Angels play, you tell Daddy to wake you up if there's a walk-off win. You even got your hair cut to look like Max Stassi (Angels catcher). You play the MLB The Show video game regularly and give us updates on your progress in that every morning. As I write this (belated this year, I'm sorry!!!) you're at baseball camp at Jacksonville University, which you've been looking forward to all summer. You went to Daddy's Springfield baseball practices enough in June that you earned a spot as official bat boy at the throwback baseball game on the Fourth of July, and when the whole stadium sang Happy Birthday to you, you tipped your hat to them like a pro. In addition to spending your birthday in the East Side dugout, you had a double dose of baseball birthday party - an Angels party at home with family after the game on July 4th, and then a sort of Sandlot-style party with your friends at Klutho Park last weekend, where you all played baseball all morning, ate classic baseball snacks (peanuts, Cracker Jacks, popcorn, etc), and broke open a baseball piñata filled with baseball cards, bubble gum and Baby Ruth bars. And, your most favorite birthday gift this year? The Angels City Connect jersey you had been dying for but didn't think you'd be able to get - Daddy found a way to make it happen and you were SO HAPPY. Baseball is life!

Baseball might be the hands-down favorite activity this year, but you did dabble in a few others for the first time! In the spring, you played flag football with a bunch of friends from school, and you were super fast! You scored a bunch of touchdowns, thanks to your speed, and we have it all on video with me screaming like a lunatic in the background. You also tried your hand (foot?) at a casual soccer league in Springfield. It was a great way to test it out, and you had fun - we'll see if you play either of those sports again this year. Also, you've done a handful of one-mile races this year, and man, are you fast! In fact, you won your most recent race! Not just in your age group or gender - full-out WON. You beat EVERYBODY. You even beat the bicyclist who was supposed to be leading the way to show you the path! 

I fear the problem with being so good at all these things you enjoy is that when something doesn't go the way you expect, it's very frustrating. We've been trying to deal a bit with your temper when frustrated this year - if things aren't going your way (in sports or just in life), you tend to have an angry outburst and want to quit. We've been trying to help you learn how to cope with those frustrated feelings, calm yourself down, and find a more productive way to manage the situation. I'm not sure if we're doing a good job yet, but we're working on it. You're eight years old now, which means you're getting big, but sometimes those feelings are just bigger so hopefully we can help you find a way to not be quite so overwhelmed by them.

Speaking of big feelings, just as of late you've been working through some really big thoughts and emotions, and it has been keeping you up at night. You seem to be becoming aware of your own mortality and that of those you love, and you've been worried about something happening to you or us at night. You had a hard time voicing your real worries for a long time, instead blaming your sleepless nights on being scared of the dark or monsters and aliens, but Daddy finally had a breakthrough talk with you the other night and we got more to the bottom of things. I think Daddy was able to help - he said you told him he has "good words" and you have since mentioned how he helped you - which is good, because I know those are very scary thoughts and they're a lot for one boy to come to terms with. I hope you know that we're here to help you deal with things like that, and you can always talk to us when you're feeling scared or anxious. It breaks my heart that you ever have to feel that way at all. 

Now to shift to the other end of the spectrum, I'd like to give an example of how you were able to overcome big feelings (those frustrated ones I talked about earlier) this year - you recently learned how to ride a bike! It's still a work in progress as you figure out how to get going on a narrow Springfield sidewalk, but you persevered through your frustration and you're able to do it. I'm so proud of you! You're already looking forward to the Springfield Halloween Bike-A-Boo and I can't wait to have you along for it this time.

Some more about eight-year-old E.J.: You still love Harry Potter; we finished the books this past year (and watched all the movies), dressed as Harry Potter villains for Halloween, got nearly all Harry Potter Christmas gifts (you're still very proud to be a Slytherin), and went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios as our first big post-pandemic trip! You chose a stuffed niffler as your souvenir on our trip (named Hulkypoo), who was quickly elevated to the ranks of favorite "guys," but none can overtake Bunny, who is still your all-time favorite. You love chewing gum, fast food and macaroni and cheese. You love to play videogames, both on our Nintendo Switch and the iPad. Your best friends are Dexter and Emory. You lost a few teeth this year (including one in December that caused a run-in between the Tooth Fairy and our elf, Twinkle!) and grew three inches in height. You love the Los Angeles Angels and your favorite players are Mike Trout and Shohei Ohtani. You like to run and practice sliding along the length of our house. You've become more confident in the pool, even in the deep end. You mostly get along well with Ellie, aside from the normal sibling squabbles, and you're still quite enamored with Ruthie (she's been your valentine two years running now!). When you're not playing or watching baseball, you're still likely to be found upstairs at the Lego table, making some great creation (including a full minifig replica of the Angels team!). 

I probably say this every year, but this year more than ever I feel as if you are straddling the line between Little Boy and Big Boy. You're becoming increasingly independent, and I love to see you growing and becoming more and more confident in who you are. I like watching you walk out of school with swagger and high five all the fifth graders, seeing you running around and having so much fun with all your friends, catching you reading a big chapter book and hearing you tell us about what you read, watching you doing more chores around the house and meeting your own needs. Sometimes I feel like you are very grown up, indeed.

But then sometimes, you'll grab a blanket and cuddle up with me on the couch and hold my hand. You still sleep with Bunny in your arms every night. Sometimes your voice still sounds like Little E.J., and sometimes I still see Baby You in your face. Sometimes you still need your Mama. And oh, boy, do I cherish that. I don't know how much longer you'll feel that way, but I love that for now, we're still linked a little bit as Mama and Baby. I hope you won't be in too much of a hurry to grow up and outgrow me, buddy...let's spend a little more time right here, what do you say?

It's funny, motherhood, isn't it? Just two sentences ago I was asking you to stay small, and my heart desperately wishes that you could. But at the same time, watching you grow up is the greatest joy of my life. I'm so proud of you and so excited about the Big Boy you are becoming. What a cool kid he is! And how lucky I am to call him my son. Having a front row seat to your growing up is my favorite thing. I guess the whole thing is just sort of bittersweet....but certainly more sweet than anything.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a mama to such an awesome boy. I love you so much, nugget. Happy birthday.

All my love,

Mama

* * * * * 

Dear E.J.,

 

Happy birthday! It’s so cool that you’re eight, but I’m secretly glad you still have so many years left to grow up! We are starting to share a lot of common interests–playing sports, watching sports, running, snacking, playing the switch, and just generally being outside–and I really enjoy spending time with you. 

 

This year, you were back at school in-person for the entire school year. It was a really tough decision, which is so true of parenting generally. Firstly, it’s so much harder to make decisions for some else, especially when you care about them immeasurably, and are fairly invested in how things end up. You obviously never know how a decision is going to turn out before you make it, nor can you find out what would have happened if you had chosen differently. You weigh the pros and cons of each option and try as best you can to weight them with the likelihood each good or bad outcome will be the one that happens. Then you pick and try not to second guess. It helps to have someone else to brainstorm with, though it does raise the stakes even more because you don’t want to let them down either. 

 

With that said, I’m very happy to report that sending you back to school was a success! You didn’t get COVID and picked right back up getting good grades and making some good friends. The one thing I’d want to say is that to the extent your grades weren’t perfect (don’t worry, I think it was maybe two quarter Bs total), it seems like a question of focus more than one of ability. For example, there were several homework assignments for which you delayed starting, even getting upset or frustrated because you though it would take “too long” or be “too hard.” Once we were able to get you to calm down and try to figure out what you needed to do, you’d knock it out quickly and correctly. The same thing actually happened with learning to ride a bike. For starters, you barely tried until you were almost 8. Sweetly, you were motivated not by peer pressure or the famous Springfield holiday rides, but by the hope you could pick it up in time for Mother’s Day and ride with Mama to a local breakfast place. The week before, while the girls were at an hours-long event, you almost quit one block into our first official practice. Once we finally got to the parking lot, you had to take breaks to talk through the plan and whether and how to keep trying every 15-20 minutes. All told, it took you about two hours total (across two days) to get it, but you sure turned the stress level way up on something I knew you’d be able to do. 

 

I hope we can work through this mental roadblock soon. Along these lines, I sometimes wonder whether we did the right thing starting you in school young, but it is just so obvious that you can handle the content and keep up with older kids athletically. The best I can figure is that you are still young, and I am not so sure your teachers have been looking for you to have so much natural ability because you are a small, active boy. It doesn’t help that each year you have had teachers teaching the grade for the first time. To be clear, my real concern is that you don’t seem to realize how smart and capable you are. It’s a question of confidence more than competence, and I hope you figure it out!

 

Several thoughts ago, I mentioned you made a great group of friends. It sounds like you all played sports, primarily baseball and football, at recess just about every day. I definitely remember doing that as a kid, but I’m not so sure I started in second grade! One of your friends invited you to join the others on an organized flag football team and you were excited to give it a try. Before the season started, you, Ellie and I would go to nearby fields and practice running plays and I tried to teach you about juking and cutting. During on eof the 1-on-1 games, you kept running long routes despite not really being able to catch yet. You got really frustrated that I wasn’t throwing you the ball, so I did. And it hit you right in the face. I know you should never negotiate with, much less give in to, terrorists (or 7-year olds). I should have known better and I’m sorry! Fortunately, you weren’t traumatized and ended up being a real asset to your Ravens team. You were the shortest kid but actually tied for the team lead with 6 touchdowns in 8 games! And compared to the number of touches you had, your conversion rate was way ahead of everyone else! It was surreal to see you make good instinctive decisions with the ball, whether to beat a defender to the outside, juke, or make a single cut before getting up the field. As your coordination develops and your hands get bigger, you might really have a lot of fun playing. 

 

In other sports news, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how much you run. Besides sports and some training with me around Springfield, on a local track, and in the Swamp (the football field was open for graduation pics the week after the Spring game when were in Gainesville), you must have done hundreds of laps around the house and thousands of sprints back and forth down our hallway. You want to race me for your birthday this year and we’ve settled on an annual 100m dash. I’m not worried about this year, but I’m really curious to see how many years it will be until you get me. You also had a couple of chances to race the mile. The first time was the Girl Scout Thin Mint Sprint at the Zoo. You went out fast and had built up a decent lead when we saw you about a quarter of a mile in. But between that point and the finish, the staff directed you off course, and the route itself was cut in half. You ended up crossing the finish line behind a lot of people and were so mad about the mix up you didn’t want to enter the Junior River Run the next month. Fortunately, we talked you into giving it another shot at the Jacksonville Great Fire Run. You went out really fast again on an out and back course and when you reappeared near the finish, you had built up a good lead, finishing even stronger than you started in around 6:50! You beat everyone else who entered! Ellie was great, too, so I am hopeful there will be many more races in our future.   

 

With all apologies for burying the lead, it would be impossible to tell the story of you at 8 years old without baseball. After taking a year off from little league due to COVID, you jumped back in with both feet and haven’t looked back! Your first season in the 8u machine pitch league wasn’t what I was hoping for with a very inexperienced coach and several kids who could have aged out but decided to play down another season. You didn’t get any meaningful instruction as a Marlin, the coach batted you 12^th (out of 12) almost every game, and didn’t give you a single rep at 1B, 2B or SS. Even so, you hit almost .650 with twice as many hits as strikeouts. So you can imagine our surprise when you stated the next season hitting lead off and playing SS for the Rays! I was so proud of you for working through your admitted nerves about hitting first after practice the night before when you missed 12 straight pitches off the machine. I think you had 4 first pitch hits and kicked off a really fun season. A season in which you had your first inside the park home run before you really knew how to run the bases! I worry I ruined the video by screaming at you to take each base because you kept stopping even though the ball went all the way to the fence. You were invited to try out for the league’s advanced baseball team, but had some trouble fielding the ball after we practiced the week before with some much older kids who hit the ball much harder than you were used to. Even though it didn’t work out, you’ve taken that experience and spent almost every day this summer throwing and catching with your new pitchback screen and asking me to play catch any chance we can. You have gotten so much better as a result of your own interest, initiative, and work, and I am so excited to be your head coach this year! There is so much more to say about you and baseball, but I am running out of self-imposed space. In short:

• You dress for a baseball game four out of every five days, complete with baseball pants, belt, long socks, a baseball shirt of some kind, and a hat;
• We watch baseball regularly, and you especially love the Angels;
• You know their entire lineup and rotation, and your favorite players are Mike Trout and Shohei Ohtani;
• You recently got your hair cut to look like Max Stassi, their catcher, which is the second Angels player to inspire your hair styling;
• Your favorite birthday present was a Mike Trout Angels City Connect jersey and you used your loose birthday money to buy the City Connect hat;
• You set up an Amazon notification to get baseball scores each morning for your favorite teams;
• You are lowkey obsessed with walk-offs and bat flips;
• Of all the books at our local book store, you picked a vintage Joe DiMaggio instructional guide to spend your gift card on; and
• You are getting really good at MLB The Show 22 (You call it the Show-tani because Shohei is on the cover).

 I want to end on a more serious note. You have been thinking some big thoughts lately. I’m not sure whether it was a coincidence or a catalyst, but ever since we watched Men In Black, you have started sleeping with a light on and calling me or your Mama up to talk after we’ve put you to bed. Essentially, you don’t want to die and you don’t want us to, either. You seem comforted by the idea that it is okay for people to die because God has a plan for all of us and Heaven must be a pretty cool place. You also decided you’re probably okay because God wouldn’t have much use for you now in Heaven and that you could just ask when you get there if you need to. I’m not sure what was helpful, but you told me I have pretty good words for things like this. I hope so, and I hope you know I am always here to listen and help you think through anything you’re working through, no matter how big or small or how old you are. 

 

I apologize for writing you the longest letter in the history of letters and totally understand if you never make it through the whole thing. In case you just skipped to the end, we are having a lot of fun together, you’re getting really good at stuff, and don’t realize how good you are at other stuff. Parenting is hard, and also the best. I love you so much, little buddy. Happy birthday! 

 

All my love!

Daddy

Dear Ellie - Ten Years

My dear Ellie,

Happy birthday, baby cakes! Welcome to double digits! Holy cow, are you ever growing up. I mean, have you seen your ten-year photo? How beautiful are you?!

This birthday is an exciting one, not only because you're turning the big TEN, but also because it will be your most "normal" birthday celebration in years. You have a big batch of pink cupcakes ready to take to your classmates at school today; we had an early celebration at a theme park in January; and your official party will be a sleepover with friends at our house. At long last, the sleepover you had planned for 2020 will come to fruition! The celebrations of the last two years have been wonderful - we found perfect new, creative ways to celebrate safely in the midst of a pandemic, and though they felt subpar in the moment, are now treasured memories (at least for me, and I think for you, too!). But, I'm so happy that this year you have much more say over how you celebrate your big day. I'm so excited to give you that experience!

The pandemic that dominated much of my last couple of letters to you is not over, unfortunately, but we're trending in the right direction, and hopefully by my next letter it will have been downgraded to an endemic and things will be even more "normal" than they are now. Since my last letter, we've all been vaccinated against covid-19 (and Daddy and I even had boosters!), most people have ditched masks, you're back to in-person school and extracurriculars, we see family more regularly and are even planning a road trip for this summer. However, to get here we've also weathered the two worst outbreaks of the pandemic, thanks to new variants (delta, right at the end of the summer, when you were preparing to start school; and omicron, over the holidays/January). We're still learning about how our vaccines will stand the test of time, concerns for new variants to come still loom, and even as we celebrate your birthday, Papa is hospitalized with covid in Ireland, a very unwelcome souvenir from his St. Patrick's Day travels. We're so thankful for vaccines for keeping him from a more dire situation - thank you, science! You still love science, so there's another good reason for it!

You're doing very well back at school, but that's no surprise. You are a very responsible student, and have taken charge of your own homework/assignments this year with little to no help from me (and you've done a great job!). You like your teachers, and still love math and science the most. You're currently rocking fractions in class, and continue to look for any opportunity to create/solve your own math problems for fun. You also like writing essays, and tell me every day after school what you wrote about and your arguments for your position (they're good!). You still love to read, and we've basically stopped buying you chapter books (relying on the library instead) because you just finish them IMMEDIATELY. Of course, you're not opposed to re-reading, so that's a plus! You're still mostly reading the Harry Potter books, over and over. I think you just pick your favorite parts to reread rather than reading them cover to cover, which is kind of a fun way to do it. You're enjoying your Gifted class this year, including a research project on a winter Olympian (Karen Chen) during the Beijing Olympics. You're also very excited to be learning to play the recorder in Music class. Your homeroom class job is to lead the Monday Morning Meetings with the class, asking a discussion question and leading your peers as they share answers. At the beginning of the year you were devastated over this assignment, just a bundle of nerves and anxiety about it. But you've really settled in and found your groove, and now are looking for ways to ask deeper, more thought-provoking questions and make the whole thing more your own. I'm proud of you, kiddo!

You're back into the full swing of extracurricular activities, too. We resumed ballet at the end of the fall, and you're busy practicing for your first Upper School recital this May. You're still a proud Girl Scout (now a Junior!), though our old troop disbanded this year and we opted to be Juliettes rather than joining a new troop, so we have done a lot of online activities and badges at home together. You rocked cookie season again this year, beating your previous sales record by nearly 200 boxes (for a total of 701 this year!), and that even with a massive cookie supply chain shortage! You worked so hard to reach your goal! To get a little in-person Girl Scout action, you did join a Girl Scouts Lego Robotics team called the Codettes, which you really loved but unfortunately that came to a close this month, so we're looking for something to take its place. You've also continued to golf with Daddy, and I hear you're really improving! You even played your first nine holes with him about a month ago. You've also started playing in a little local soccer league in our neighborhood - it's very casual, so we'll see if it turns into anything, but you're having fun so far!

Speaking of our neighborhood, that's a big change to discuss! Just days after your birthday last year, we went to an open house in the Historic Springfield neighborhood - Grammy was in town, and we just wanted to show her what Springfield houses looked like. To our surprise, we fell in love with the house and about a month later, it became ours! We bought our first house! You guys were so excited to have a house that is ours, and it must have really been meant to be because you and E.J. each selected your rooms without any argument! Your new room is decorated in purple, white and teal, with purple jeweled knobs on your dresser and a lovely purple jeweled lamp on your bedside table, plus a rainbow curtain with star cutouts to let the light shine through. Both kids' bedrooms open up to what was once an upstairs porch, that is now closed in and makes a perfect playroom. You guys will disappear up there for hours, and we don't hear a peep from you! We have a wonderful front porch, where we sit on pleasant evenings, watch outdoor movies with our projector, and it is your favorite spot to do your homework. Aside from the wonderful house, we also have loved getting involved in our new neighborhood - we were prepared to host a band on our porch for a neighborhood music festival called Porchfest (but it was rained out!), you and I had a girls' night out for a Halloween bike ride to look at neighborhood decorations, we've made some friends, joined the soccer team, etc., etc. There's a lot to do and we're enjoying all of it!

You guys were both really great during the move - helpful and excited. There was some adjustment when we first moved in, though. You would call me up to your room nearly every night for a while with a fear to discuss, usually a fear of a fire in the house. I expect it was really just apprehension about being in a new, unfamiliar place, which is completely understandable. In time, you settled in and as we approach the year anniversary of being in this house, I think we're all starting to feel more at home! Your birthday and Easter are the last remaining holidays we have yet to experience here - I think once you've done all the holidays in the new house, it really does feel more homey. We just needed to build up some memories!

And we sure have made some fun memories this year! We kicked it off by (cabin) camping for your birthday, on the last cold night of the spring. We cooked hot dogs over an open fire and breakfast on the grill. We participated in "Bairdlympics" during Bairdcation this summer, and you took the gold in the Sponge Relay Race and tied for gold in the Smallest Splash competition. You attended another virtual Girl Scouts camp, learning all about cybersecurity and earning three badges (and are currently signed up for your first sleep away camp this summer!). We started going to Jumbo Shrimp games again, and EJ's baseball and football games. We finished reading the Harry Potter series and watched all the movies, dressed as Harry Potter "bad guys" for Halloween (you were Professor Umbridge!), and spent a couple of SUPER fun days at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios in honor of your nine-and-three-quarters birthday! You ran your first 5k, and several one-mile races. We visited Santa at Disney Springs and spent a couple days at a Disney resort (while Daddy attended a work conference). We had a handful of visitors: all of your grandparents, Aunt Heather, Aunt Rachel and Uncle Mark, and the Illinois cousins. We had friends over for trick-or-treating and Christmas movies on the porch. 

At ten years old, your best friends are Leela, Sophie and Sicily. Your favorite book is Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and your favorite movie is Apollo 11. You still cuddle with your unicorn Cupcake at night. You like to sleep on your right side, near the edge of your bed (with pillows and stuffed animals and books all piled up behind you). You did a Girl Scouts journey about water and now are very concerned about wasting water and constantly remind us to turn off the faucet while we scrub our hands with soap! You love dogs and every time you see one out in the world, you tell its owner you love it. You're becoming very helpful around the house, always willing to do what I ask and regularly following a chore schedule (you clean the bathroom, change your sheets, dust your own room). You have shown some real bravery this year, including riding The Hulk rollercoaster at Universal (the first upside-down ride you've ever tried) with nary a hint of panic beforehand, and making small talk with the nurse who administered your covid vaccine as it happened (you asked her what she wanted for Christmas). You are kindhearted, often thinking of what others need and how you can help (for example, you asked if we can use some of your Girl Scout cookie earnings to buy books and toys for children in the hospital). You love Ruthie like crazy and still use your trademark voice and extended-bottom-jaw face when you talk to her. You play Legos with EJ, ask Alexa to play music so you can dance in your room, and love to draw. You stay up reading after we put you to bed at night and carry big books to school with you every day to read in your down time. You write great thank-you notes, complete with personal drawings for the recipient (you wrote notes to every cookie customer who ordered online this year). Your favorite color is still dark pink, and you love to accessorize (you have earrings for nearly every occasion, and you've started styling your hair in fun ways). 

You're just really, really growing up, my Ellie. I was really struck by that as I prepared for this birthday. I made a video for you, compiling clips from your past ten years into one four-minute video. The first couple of minutes of the video are mostly baby/toddler Ellie, and sometimes, it seems like that little girl was a whole other person entirely. There's no way the beautiful young woman who lives with me now is that same baby that I used to spend my days with, that same baby that I spent all my time cuddling and bouncing and rocking, taking to story times and for walks to find the turtles, tying blankets to her head so she could be Rapunzel, reading book after book to her as we sat on the floor for hours. Is that really you? I miss that little girl sometimes, that girl who would grab my hand as we set out to find the kitties, who would crawl into my lap for a cuddle after nap time, who would check my heartbeat with one of her many stethoscopes. She was so dear to me and those were some of the best days of my life.

But the video doesn't end with baby Ellie. It continues on, and we watch her grow. And the video then morphs from flashes of a cute little baby to frame after frame depicting a growing girl, gradually doing all the things little Ellie couldn't do. One by one, she faces her fears and her challenges and overcomes them. She slides on the slide. She dances at her ballet recital. She masters the monkey bars. She learns to ride her bike. She changes her earrings. She reads in church. She runs races and swings a golf club and plays baseball and dives in the waves and even fights Kylo Ren. She sells cookies and swims underwater and dances every chance she gets. The last two minutes of that video are just one clip after another that takes me right back to moments when I felt so proud of you, so proud that I could just burst. I can't watch it without getting tears in my eyes because holy cow, Ellie, I am SO PROUD OF YOU. Every moment of every day, I could explode with joy just because you're you and I get to be here to witness you becoming more and more you every single day. And who you are is really remarkable. There's nobody like you and frankly, that's a shame. The world would be a much better place if there were lots more Ellies.

But we only get one, and I'm so thankful that I get to be here with her, day in and day out, as she becomes the woman she will eventually be. If the first ten years brought all that accomplishment and growth for you, I can hardly wait to see what is coming your way in the next ten. I do, however, have a feeling the coming years may be more tumultuous for us - that's the way of it with teens and their mothers, isn't it? I hope it doesn't have to be, but I'm mentally preparing myself as best as I can, just in case. And, I know that at the end of the next ten years, you'll be leaving me to start your own adult life. Oooof, that will be rough, but also, a beautiful sight to see. I hope you will always be true to yourself, be your complete self in every way, and know that no matter who that turns out to be, I will love you fiercely. I will always be proud of you. And I will always be right behind you...or next to you, or holding your hand, or coming up to your room at night for comfort, or on the other end of the phone, or wherever you need me to be. I'm in your corner, Ellie, always. I will be here for you until the end of my days.

Thank you for making me a mother ten years ago today. Thank you for challenging me and bearing with me as I try to figure out how to be just the mother you need. I hope I won't let you down.

I love you, Ellie-girl. Happy birthday.

Love always, 

Mama

* * * * * 

Dear Ellie,

Happy 10^th birthday!!!! How crazy is it that your single-digit days are over?! I’m not sure whether it’s actually crazy or if it’s just on my mind because you have been very aware of it for weeks. Just today, there has been an extensive running commentary of single digit lasts. Last outfit, last Daddy/Ellie chat on the drive home from ballet, last dinner, shower, Ruthie belly scratch and good night kiss. Looking ahead, you have also made some comments about almost being a “tween.” I’m not sure either of us knows what that means, but it’s only possible because we’ve now known each other for a whole decade. (I hope you read that last word in your best Kennedy/Scrimgeour voice). I am pretty confident it has been the best decade of your whole life and I can’t tell you how much happiness it brings me to think about so many of the times we’ve had. I’m so glad your Mama keeps such good records.

Fortunately, this isn’t going to be that kind of letter where we dig in on all of them (just think of the ink and trees saved!) At the same time, I think this letter could be a good chance to take stock of where you are 10 years in. The memories that come to mind from this year seem to line up neatly with what I want to say about you as a person, so we’ll see how it goes. Long story short: you’re just so, so special. I’m not allowed to say you’re perfect, because, technically, no body is, and the last thing I want to do is put pressure on you to keep up such a crazy pace of awesomeness. But the truth is that you’re going to be amazing no matter what you’re doing, so long as it’s what makes you happy. All that said, at 10-years old, you are curious, well-rounded, and kind.  

Curious. Notice I didn’t say smart. Sure, you know a lot for your age (All A’s so far and really high standardized test scores even during a Pandemic!), and at the rate you read (I’d bet you read close to a hundred books this past year, including most of the Harry Potter books three times each) you are going to know a lot more in a year, and so on. But you are so much more than what you know. Real wisdom is knowing you don’t know everything and that you never will, but that you don’t stop trying to learn more. You wonder, you dream, you ask questions. You are curious! This year, you took on the Rubix cube–you’ve totally mastered one face and are working your way through the rest of it–worked your way up to 19 digits of pi for fun, and when your gifted teacher talked about a “genius hour” project where you’d investigate something, such as ‘how do you draw dogs?’ or ‘why is smoking bad for you?’, your first thought was to wonder about the building blocks of all things – atoms and chemical compounds and such. I think this came from your fascination with the search for the “grand unifying theory” of Physics. I wish I could remember how it came up any of the times we’ve talked about it, but suffice it to say that, knowing you, I’m not surprised it did. 

You also always say your favorite teacher is the one who teaches math and science, even though we’re pretty sure you’ve had some really great ELA teachers. Speaking of reading, I would be remiss to not say a bit more about finishing the Harry Potter franchise. I can’t tell you how meaningful it was to read every word together as a family, and to keep up with our characters right up to the very end. I love that you say you hear our family voices in your head when you re-read the books, and I love that we were able to make it to the Wizarding World at Universal Studios to put an exclamation point on the magic. 

Well rounded. As we work our way back to a new normal, you are back in a ballet class and rocking girl scouts, including your Lego robotics club before it ended prematurely. You sold 700 boxes of cookies this season, even with historic supply shortages. You’re still teaching yourself songs on the piano when they interest you and have started playing the recorder at school. You ran your first 5k and recently completed the Junior River Run mile in 7:25! I was so proud of you for doing that on your own because distance running has been a bit of a journey. Most times we have tried to run more than a mile together, including the 5k we ran with EJ last Spring, you started to get nervous and needed to stop and walk for longer stretches than your legs or lungs actually needed. It has seemed like you were dealing with a mini-anxiety attack and I haven’t known what to do other than to keep taking it easy. You, EJ, and I tried to run a mile race around Christmas, and it happened to you ¼ of the way in and you couldn’t make yourself recover or push through. So, when you said you wanted to run the Junior River Run, I let you go by yourself and tried to let you talk yourself up and make your own plan. And you nailed it! I’m excited to see where running takes you because you’re good at it and you really seem to like doing it, in spite of the hiccups. 

But, Ellie, what I really want to highlight in this section is that you’ve gotten really into . . . dramatic pause . . . wait for it. . . golf!!! How cool is that?!?! I wish I could say it was spending time together or the lessons I’ve tried to give you, but I think the real driver of your consistent interest in practicing was the Summer Olympics. This is the first year golf was part of the games and you just love the idea of winning a medal someday. Which I get, it’s a really cool idea I only recently had to give up on (not that I ever tried close to as hard as would be needed to make it happen). We bought matching official Team USA golf shirts and have been to range at least a few times each month. You can hit your “iron 7” in the air, but you really love hitting “bomberoos” with your driver. We even have a secret handshake for big hits. We always include putting sessions in our practice and end it with a contest or series of contests. Whenever EJ comes along (about half the time), you always ask to go last because you “love the pressure.” I usually handicap the contests, and you win as often as you lose. You have gotten so much better in a year. It’s probably the repetition, but it could also be because you keep a copy of Ben Hogan’s Five Lessons in your bed and you do things like hold your Harry Potter wand like a golf club. It might also be because you have such a great attitude after mishits and on bad days. Of course you get frustrated, but you just keep swinging, which is a skill that will suit you well in anything you do. See, e.g., Thomas Edison and the 999 ways not to make a light bulb. 

Notably, in the Fall, you rode along at a 9-hole par 35 course and played two of the par 3 holes. Grandpa Gary even let you drive the golf cart for a bit! While you did get the ball in the hole, there was a lot of swinging and missing. You may have made a 15 on a 75-yard hole after hitting your tee shot 65 yards over a water hazard! So, we kept practicing and you got a fuller set of clubs for Christmas (driver, hybrid, 5, 7, 9, your first wedge, and a mallet putter) in addition to a golf bag being your ornament. Then, on President’s Day, you played all 9 holes on that same course! I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here or in other letters, but I love spending time with you and golf gives us the perfect excuse to do just that. And, for now, we both like playing. It’s just so great, Ellie. I hope this keeps up, and I promise to try not to make you keep doing if it stops being fun for you. 

Kind. This one is a bit tricker to detail, but anyone who knows you would say it’s true. You compliment strangers and always tell them you like their dogs. You are always patient and loving with Ruthie. At EJ’s games, you almost always play with the younger siblings and are so sweet with them. As a Juliet Girl Scout, you get to access what would be the troop proceeds from your cookie sales, which is over $500, to pay dues and event registration fees, etc. You asked if you could use it to donate toys to Wolfson’s Children’s Hospital, which we’re working on helping you do. You are also very aware of who is listening to you answer questions, and never fall for ones like “Who is your favorite parent?” And, Ellie, you are still a great hugger. You never just go through the motions, almost always giving a sincere two-handed squeeze with your eyes closed. You’ve also started holding my hands at the end of our before bed hugs for an extra squeeze and eye contact, which is just the sweetest.

Ellie, I said it earlier, but it’s the absolute truth: Even if you weren’t any of the things I said in this letter, I couldn’t love you any more or any less. I simply can’t explain how happy I am to have a daughter, and for that daughter to be you. I knew it the day you were born and we had our first of countless moments in the hospital room. As excited as I am about your young successes, the way you’ve handled struggles, and the ‘tween’ you are becoming, nothing you do or fail to do could ever change the way I felt about you on your birthday, and feel about you now. I am so happy to be kicking off another decade with you and am so looking forward to helping you make sense of the world and figure out what you love to do (even if it doesn’t end up involving math, science, or golf). 

Happy birthday! 

I love you always,

Daddy

Dear E.J. - Seven Years

 

My dear E.J.,

Happy birthday to you, cute stuff! Seven years old! Wow! Does that sound old to you? It sure does to me. And what a year this has been for you, and for us! Lots of things going on in the world, lots of significant changes for our family, lots of growing up for you.

On your last birthday, we were four months into self-quarantine during the coronavirus pandemic. A year later, the virus still dominates the headlines and shapes our behavior much more than I had hoped it would by this point. Oh, don't get me wrong, we've relaxed a bit - we go to public playgrounds now, we've gotten back to visiting with family, and we've taken you into some stores and other places, and to some outdoor events like Jumbo Shrimp games (yay!). But it has been a long year, kiddo. After I wrote your last letter, cases of covid-19 spiked drastically nationwide, and especially in Florida. In the fall, schools offered families a choice of in-person school (with face masks, socially distant desk spacing, lunch in classrooms, plastic desk shields, no field trips or other big school activities) or virtual learning with a teacher from your school. We opted for the latter, and you completed first grade entirely online. We still have not taken a vacation (aside from going to Papa's house a couple of times); we celebrated Christmas with extended family (and visited Santa!) virtually via Zoom; we trick-or-treated minimally for Halloween (focusing instead on a fun Harry Potter-themed house setup to hand out candy to others); we still have not been to a movie theater or church or back to tee-ball or other extracurricular activities. And, no big birthday party for you again this year - instead, we went to the waterpark at Adventure Landing as a family and had Star Wars Clone Trooper cupcakes with Grammy and Heather on the 4th of July. You still said it was the best birthday ever, so thank you for that!

January brought another significant spike in covid cases in the U.S., then things tapered off during the spring as vaccines became available - first to people over age 65, then gradually younger until Daddy and I finally got ours in May. Numbers began to drop and things started opening up even more, and mask mandates fell by the wayside - and now cases are on the rise again among the unvaccinated, which, unfortunately, you and Ellie still are for the time being. We are waiting with bated breath for a vaccine for kids under age 12, and it has been promised by mid-winter. Unfortunately, that means for now, we keep our guard up to keep you kids as protected as we can. You'll be going back to school in the fall, and it makes me terribly nervous, but we're moving forward, for better or for worse. 

You have been such an incredible trooper through the past year and a half. There have been disappointments, for sure, but you have been very willing to roll with the punches as we go and make the most of things. I mentioned Halloween - that particularly surprised me, that you were not nearly as devastated as I thought you'd be when I broke the news that we wouldn't be trick-or-treating this year. Instead, you threw yourself into our costume theme and house-decorating idea and had a great holiday. If you were ever upset about our altered plans for any event, I don't believe you ever let it show. I do think we've had a lot of fun this year, even if it hasn't always been our normal type of fun!

You did an awesome job with virtual school this year. It was such a joy for me to be able to be just in the next room for every single one of your school days, so I was able to hear you interacting with your peers and talking to your teachers and participating in class. Your reading ability has grown by leaps and bounds (you've even started reading some chapter books now!) and your math fluency is truly impressive. You were very outspoken in class, always eager to share news with your teachers and classmates. You managed to make friends even in that environment, and often posted encouraging messages to your classmates on the class message boards. You were also just so cooperative with online learning in general - so many kids struggled with it, but you took to it with no trouble. Whenever my alarms would go off to signal that it was time for you to return to the iPad for another live lesson, you'd just yell out "OKAY!", drop what you were doing and run right back to your desk. I was so appreciative of how easy you made all that for me!

The silver lining of virtual school was definitely that you had more time to play and build Lego in between classes and assignments! Lego has continued to be EVERYTHING to you, and you build constantly. Our once-meager collection of bricks has ballooned, and now we have sets upon sets, and drawers-full of other loose bricks. Our playroom is now centered around Lego, with a big building table right in the center and a shelf to the side to display your creations and store all the bricks. You loved your Lego scavenger hunt from your last birthday so much that you requested another one this year (and we obliged with a mini figure hunt). You still love the show Lego Masters, you love looking at/reading Lego books and looking up Lego sets online, and we're still looking forward to a trip to Legoland one day! I love to see your creations - you really are so creative and have such a great imagination. I'm always so impressed by the builds you come up with!

Baseball took a little bit of a back seat for you this year, but that's understandable because you haven't played on a team since March of last year. But, now that we've started going to Jumbo Shrimp games again, and since Daddy played in a Throwback Baseball Game on the 4th of July (in our new neighborhood - more on that to come!), and you watched a little bit of the All-Star game, baseball is making a comeback for you. You've dressed yourself in baseball attire (baseball pants, jersey/tshirt, high socks and cap) every day this week, and the other night you were even sleeping in your baseball pajamas with your high socks on and glove under your pillow. I love seeing you get back into it! And, even with slightly waning interest, you were able to achieve your goal of hitting a ball over the fence at the tee-ball field (while playing there with Daddy), and by the time we moved out of our old house, you could easily hit a whiffle ball clear across the street. We are planning to sign you up for Little League this fall - and it won't be tee-ball anymore! You'll be in the machine-pitch division and you have to be evaluated before the season and everything. They'll even start enforcing outs and keeping score. I hope you love it!

You have a pretty good little competitive nature, although you never admit it. You like to win and you get really upset when that doesn't happen. You've been really into playing the Nintendo Switch (video games) since we got the system for Christmas, and if Ellie is beating you at a game or if you can't figure it out, you get so upset. Sometimes we have to turn it off until you can calm down a little bit. So, I'll be interested to see how that translates to the ball field in the fall. You also have focused a lot lately on your size - that you're smaller than most of the other kids your age. We talk about it as a good thing, because they'll be likely to underestimate you because you're not as big as they are, but you sure can play!

You lost your first tooth this year! Well, you've lost two so far. You were so anxiously waiting to lose your first one - so many of your friends had already lost a bunch. But, it finally happened this spring, and then you lost another one just before your birthday! And you have two more loose ones in there, too. As happy as I am to see you excited about this part of growing up, it's a little sad for me to watch your baby smile changing so much so quickly. But, that's the way it goes, and I know I will love your toothy grown-up grin just as much as that baby smile.

You have been growing and changing this year, of course, but our family has also seen some pretty big changes, too! The biggest one is our new house. After renting houses for your entire life thus far, we purchased our first home in May and moved from San Marco to Springfield. The house is just wonderful - it has so much space for us, and you love so much about it. It is very long, with a straight path from front to back, and you love to sprint from one end to the other over and over again (I believe you're playing a game you made up in your head, but I'm fuzzy on the rules and I think they're not really strictly enforced anyway - it's really all about the running!). You also love that you can run a complete circle around the house, as our front and back yards are connected on both sides of the house. It's all fenced in and you love to run the whole way around. You and Ellie have your own rooms, which is nice, but the really cool part is that both of your rooms open up onto what was once a sun porch, that is now closed in and is currently serving as your playroom! Your bedrooms and the playroom are all connected in a U-shape and it's just the coolest thing. It's lovely and bright (with eight windows in the playroom alone!) and just wonderful for you guys. As you get older we can see that playroom turning into a study room or a hangout room to spend time in with your friends...I think it will really serve us well for a long time!

You were such a good sport during the moving process, which is always just so terrible. You were a great help at sorting through all your toys and books and finding things to sell or donate, and you and Ellie earned a bunch of money from your sold toys at our yard sale. You also had a lemonade stand to earn money for walkie talkies, which you use to talk to each other from your respective rooms after we put you to bed. There have certainly been some adjustments with the move - you've had some trouble adjusting to being in your own room, and we've been doing lots of switching nightlights around and leaving hall lights on to help with scary shadows, reassuring you about various noises, and sometimes you just have sleepovers with Ellie and avoid being alone altogether. I suppose all this was to be expected; it's always hard to adjust to a totally new place, especially since the last one was really the only home you ever truly knew. But we're making progress and we do love the house! We're so excited for all the new fun our new neighborhood promises us, and I think we'll make a lot of really great memories here.

Another big change for us was the adoption of our dog, Ruthie! We got her when she was just a little puppy and now she's a year old. You and she are best buds, and you're her favorite "toy!" When you run around the perimeter of the house (or back and forth inside), she loves to chase you. Whenever you're doing anything remotely active (which is, you know, almost always), she loves to jump in and play with you. She'll tackle you to the ground, bite at your feet, chase you around. You guys love to wrestle and have so much fun together! I'm so glad you're such good buds.

Some more about E.J. at seven years old: you still love Halloween, spooky things and bad guys; we've been reading the Harry Potter books (we're almost done with book five right now!), and Voldemort is your favorite, of course. Your favorite things to eat for lunch are Nutella sandwiches or macaroni and cheese, and you love Pop Tarts for breakfast. You live for snacks and are always downstairs RIGHT at 3:30 p.m. (designated snack time) to help yourself to something. You also love eating at restaurants and playing at the playground (you especially love climbing and jumping off things). At our old house, you liked to climb up on the backyard fence and inch your way around the perimeter of it, and at our new house, you love to climb around the outside of the porch railing. You are starting to take on more responsibility around the house (not necessarily happily, but you're doing it!), and you have been doing daily chores all summer which include things like cleaning bathrooms, putting away some of your laundry, changing your bedsheets and cleaning up Ruthie's...uh, messes in the backyard. You love Star Wars, and this year have particularly enjoyed The Clone Wars and Rebels series. You like reading and writing and particularly enjoyed writing a report on bats (the animal) in school this year. You got your very own library card this year; you enjoy reading the Magic Treehouse books, but your favorite book is currently Clone Troopers in Action. You like the color blue, and you love Beanie Babies (sometimes you carry them around in a fanny pack with just their heads peeking out!). You're currently very into In The Heights and listen to the soundtrack daily (your favorite songs are probably "96,000" and "Benny on the Dispatch"). You keep changing what you say you want to be when you grow up: sometimes you say a Lego set maker, sometimes a baseball player, sometimes an engineer, sometimes a costumed Star Wars character at Hollywood Studios. You love to be silly and are all about putting on a show these days. You love video games, especially our Harry Potter Lego game and Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games. You sometimes get grumpy when you don't get your way (who doesn't) but overall, you certainly laugh far more than you sulk. You love to have visitors and cry when they leave. You like to climb trees and play with Nerf guns with your friend Krishna, and you ran your first 5k this year. You love to swim and play in the waves at the beach. You are kind-hearted and thoughtful, outgoing and friendly, bright and creative.

And, you're growing up. I know, I know. I say it every year. But every day you look a little taller, a little leaner, a little more like a Big Kid and less like a Little Boy. I am still so thankful for those fleeting moments of Little You that still show up from time to time - when you climb into my lap out of the blue, or wrap your arms around mine and lay your head on my shoulder, or grab my hand when we're walking. Each of those is becoming increasingly rare and one day, you will do each for the last time and I won't even know it in the moment. Perhaps you already have done one for the last time and I don't even realize it. It breaks my heart to know that, as I have loved being the mother of Little E.J. for all these years. But Big E.J. is going to be a really great boy, and then a really incredible man, and I'm so excited to get to know him as we go. And E.J., no matter how big you get, I'm always here with a mama hug if you're scared, or a hand to hold, or a shoulder to lean on. You can get as big as you want, but that will never change.

I love you so much, nugget. Thanks for another really great year of being your mama. It is such a privilege and you are so dear to me.

Happy birthday, buddy.

All my love,

Mama

* * * * *

My Dear E.J.,

Happy birthday, little buddy! Birthdays are such a big deal at your age and I am so excited for you to turn seven! I think your Mama has done such a great job planning parties and making you feel special that the anticipation just builds and builds throughout the year. It seems like you are always planning for either Halloween or your birthday party.  

The truth is, while you hit some amazing milestones (keep reading!), this was a crazy year. Most prominently, we kept you guys at home all school year due to the pandemic. It was far from ideal, but we felt like it was the best decision. Your teachers were organized, and your Mama built out a school room in our dining room and was really on top of helping you troubleshoot technology issues and check things off your assignment list. It also felt like you were making consistent progress–you can read now, which is pretty awesome! One of my favorite things is to see you sitting on the couch working your way unprompted through a book. You’re currently digging the Magic Treehouse series, and most recently finished the one about Jackie Robinson. You can also read the dialogue for the Harry Potter characters you voice, including Neville Longbottom and Dudley Dursley. We are on book five of seven and I know you will have other ones before we finish the series together!

One cool thing about working from home while you were schooling at home is that I got a chance to pop in and see you thinking your way through assignments – you (and your teachers apparently) especially liked math mysteries where you had to solve math problems to decode letters that formed clues that helped you solve the mystery. It was particularly cool to hear you think your way through addition and subtraction problems. You completely mastered facts up to 10 and, without prompting, break down larger problems into ones where you already know the answers. I will say that I am a little nervous about you realizing your math potential because Ellie loved math first. I don’t know if you sometimes pretend you don’t like it to make her mad or if you think you can’t both be good at it, but you have a great number sense and I hope you don’t ever let other people define what you love and how great you can be.  

This year, you continued to be ultra-passionate about things. Being super into one thing has been pretty consistent your whole known life. From Spider-Man and superheroes to Star Wars bad guys, then baseball and back to Star Wars, you have added Lego, and two Lin-Manuel Miranda musicals to the list. Your birthday party last year was a scavenger hunt for ten Lego sets. You built them all in under a week and you have not stopped since. You love mini-figures–building them, thinking about different arrangements, and imagining other ones that could exist. You have given me many creations this year to keep in my office, but I usually give them back after a little while so you can have the bricks to build with, but I have kept the minifigs you made of me and you in my office for months. You have a great eye for detail and it is so fun to hear you talk through the things you build. Even when they look similar to other things you’ve built, you always add something interesting!

Another thing we started doing as a family during the pandemic is watching non-kid TV shows. The first full season we watched all the way through was LEGO Masters–a Lego building competition show where teams of two complete a themed challenge in a set number of hours. This is a time where I wish I was a great writer, because I bet such a person could paint the picture I have in my mind of what it is like to watch you watch the show. You are so intent on what’s happening and are so transparent with your emotions–awe, nerves, surprise, disappointment. It’s like you have such empathy for what they are experiencing on the show. You had a favorite team from the first season and cried when they got sent home. The second season just started and I hope your new favorite team fares a little better. Either way, it’s a lot of fun to watch with you.

One last thing I want to talk about is our extracurriculars. Having to miss in person school this year we tried really hard to give you some structure. Mama and Ellie played some piano; you, me and Ellie went to the driving range a few times and you guys even rode with me for 9 holes one time; but the most consistent one was the weekly trips you and I took to the tee ball fields. We got matching Angels shirts and hats and everything! You particularly loved when we stopped for a Gatorade, candy or ice cream snack and I loved the chance it gave us to talk one on one in between drills. You are such a great learner and practice so hard every time we are out on the field and other times when you are working on something yourself. I worry sometimes that I am not the best teacher for you because I hear myself getting frustrated when you take more than two tries to get something right, but you give me more grace than I deserve and seem to have fun anyway. Maybe it’s the snacks? I don’t know, but I hope I can strike the right balance between making sure it stays fun for you and helping you improve so that it makes it easier for it to be fun. My favorite football coach used to say that he wanted the game to be fun, but that he couldn’t think of anything more fun than winning. The other thing I need to mention this year is how competitive you are! I’m not saying that anyone should like losing, but you get so upset and angry as soon as it looks like you are not going to win something. Even after you may have just won a few times in a row, you really struggle to tolerate losing. I think this can be productive if it fuels you to work harder, but it seems like it is something that has to be taught and I am hoping I can help you channel that energy. 

My favorite memory from our one-on-one team practices has to be the time you hit your first ball over the fence! The Little League where we play has three different baseball diamonds: one for T-ball; a medium field where you’re going to start playing this fall; and a full regulation Little League field with a mound for kid to pitch from. We always end our practices with me pitching you a mix of tennis balls and soft baseballs. Well, one of the days your swing was on point and you blasted a tennis ball to straight away centerfield. Your sister (who sometimes came to do art and watch) and I went crazy. You seemed more surprised than anything, but has a huge smile on your face. No bat flip or finger pointing home run trot like you sometimes do at our house when you hammer a whiffle ball across the street. After a pretty long pause, you rounded the bases, gave us a short interview about how you couldn’t believe it and then we walked around the field to take a picture with the ball. You have said you want to hit a home run on every field you play on and it’s pretty cool that you are one for one so far.

E.J., for a year that feels like we didn’t do anything because a global pandemic kept us home for so much of it, you were productive and eventful! You learned to swim underwater, started losing teeth and playing video games–you and Ellie beat Star Wars Lego game for the Wii and earned 100% completion in Harry Potter years 1-4 for our new Nintendo Switch. You ran a 5k in under 35 minutes with planned stops for you and Ellie because it was your first time. We got a dog whom you adore and who loves to play with you, and we bought a house that is perfect for running laps around and sprinting inside. You made a difficult year so much better and I hope you can feel in the letter how much fun you are to have as a son. I love you so much, am so proud of how hard you worked to accomplish so much this year, and hope, hope, hope I can help you channel your passion and energy into something amazing. 

I love you!

Daddy 

Dear Ellie - Nine Years

 My dear Ellie,

Happy ninth birthday, lovebug! The day is finally here! You've been eagerly awaiting this day for weeks, counting down and giving your classmates daily updates as to how close it really is to your birthday.

How do I know you that you give your classmates daily updates? I know because you "attend" school via laptop in our dining room, and oh, child, what a year it has been since my last letter. When I last wrote to you, we were two weeks into our "safer at home" strategy for dealing with covid-19, the novel coronavirus that spread across the world rapidly and relentlessly. What was originally planned to be a two-week self-imposed quarantine to "slow the spread" has now ballooned to 55 weeks and counting for us. Not long after your birthday last year, school was canceled for the remainder of the year and lockdowns extended out past that initial two-week estimate. People protested their confinement and by May, things started to open back up again, but virus numbers skyrocketed by late summer, so our family continued to stay safe at home. Schools reopened in the fall with both a virtual and an in-person option, which included myriad safety protocols such as six-feet spacing between and plexiglass barriers around desks, mandatory mask-wearing, lunch in classrooms instead of the cafeteria, and daily temperature checks. We opted for the virtual school option, both for our own well-being and to do our part to keep class sizes smaller for kids who really need to be back in the school building. We set up a little school room in the corner of our dining room, complete with desks and a calendar and all the school supplies you could need, and you and E.J. have really done well with it.

We have not yet been back to church; we are preparing to watch our second Easter Sunday service on YouTube. You still attend Girl Scouts, but virtually - I lead a virtual component of our troop, while the rest of the girls meet in person. You are not doing ballet this year, and your recital from last year was canceled entirely. We have only seen a few family members at all this year, and those visits have been exceedingly rare, taking place only after a strict 14-day quarantine to minimize our risk of unknowingly bringing the virus to each other. Each holiday has been spent with only our immediate family, and each has looked different: we did our own Easter egg hunt in our backyard; we didn't go watch the July 4th fireworks at the river; we barely trick-or-treated on Halloween; we had a video call with Santa instead of an in-person meeting. We have worked really hard to figure out new ways to celebrate and make things special when our old traditions just aren't feasible.

We didn't travel at all this year; there was no family reunion to attend this summer (sadly, we lost our Gramps this year, too, and have yet to be able to travel for a funeral). There were no school events or awards or performances. Our overly busy weekends are a thing of the past, and many of our previous pastimes came to an abrupt halt: our Disney passes lapsed, the Jumbo Shrimp season was canceled, we no longer had Saturdays at the t-ball field. Our outings and entertainment for the past year have mostly consisted of walks, movies on our new outdoor projector, frequent trips to the beach, watching new TV series together and reading "Harry Potter." When we do have to venture out, we wear masks (they were mandated in our area up until last week, but many businesses still require them), and we scrub our hands well when we get home.

I'll admit, I've had some trouble coming to terms with your impending birthday this year. Last year, my heart broke for you that so many of your big birthday plans were thwarted by this virus, and it has been hard to stomach the realization that the same could be said of this year (though I think we've come up with fun ideas to make it special!). Your birthday is so closely linked to the anniversary of this thing in my mind, and I had so wanted this to all be over by the time you were nine. It's easy to look back at the last year and think of it as a "lost year": so many of the things we always held dear to our hearts were canceled or put on hold indefinitely. You only have so many years of childhood, and at times it has felt like this one was just "passing us by."

But, it wasn't a lost year. It was a year for us. For our family. Day in and day out, we've been together. We've found new things to do together and creative ways to have fun at home. I've been able to have a front row seat to your day-to-day schooling - I hear you talking to your classmates, asking questions, working hard. You and E.J. have so much more time to just play now, and you make good use of it! It has been so wonderful to have you more to myself than I have in years, to know exactly how your day goes and what you're doing and what you're thinking and feeling, something I thought was long gone since you started school. It also feels like almost an extra year of childhood, in a way - a year with no drama with friends, no (new) crushes, no peers spoiling childhood magic for you. It has been a rare gift that isn't given to most parents. It feels like borrowed time...or bonus time, maybe. It is actually really kind of special.

And Ellie Bellie, you're growing into such a lovely young woman. You are thoughtful and sweet and empathetic. You are almost overly kindhearted! You can't tolerate being in trouble; if you think we're even looking at or talking to you too sternly, you crumble. I know that I can trust you completely, because rather than ever lie to us, if confronted with something you'd rather not say your whole body slumps over and your face goes sullen, and out comes the truth. You often ask what you can do to help me around the house, and you're always thinking of sweet things to do for people you love and how to make it special just for them. For example, you made Heather and Matty bracelets--with a cat charm and Dallas Cowboys colors, respectively--for no reason, and moved them to tears when they were surprised by them in their mailbox!

You've taken to virtual school without missing a beat. You have the same teacher as last year, which may have helped, but I am able to just let you do your thing all day with minimal oversight. You follow your schedule, do your work, and often even set your own alarms on your watch to make sure you're back to live video classes on time. You still love math, and your teacher has selected you and a couple of other kids to do some extra math work, which thrills you. (You're starting that this week, and you were so tickled that you'd get extra math for your birthday week! What a gift!) You're doing great with multiplication and fractions, and I'm very impressed by you.

You also still love science, and we've been getting our fill of science activities through online Girl Scouts workshops. One positive of the pandemic has been that Girl Scout councils/organizations from across the country have been offering programming that we are able to take advantage of, regardless of our location! Your Brownie vest is completely filled up with patches and badges and you've done some really cool things. You even attended a virtual Girl Scouts summer camp last June, where you earned three coding badges, tie-dyed your own camp shirt and even made s'mores in the microwave and sang camp songs around the computer with your fellow campers. People have really impressed me with their ingenuity in finding ways to translate normal activities to a virtual format! You also sold Girl Scout cookies again this year and once again, you were the top seller in your troop. You're highly motivated and willing to work hard to reach your goals. You amaze me.

You still love to read, though that sort of tapered off for a while since we were not able to go to the library to get new material. I think your favorite thing to read this year has probably been the "Harry Potter" books. We've been reading them together as a family (we're on the fifth book now!), and as soon as we finish reading one together, you claim it for yourself and re-read the whole thing on your own, often in only a couple days' time. 

You overcame a couple of significant fears this year: you learned to ride your bike last year on Easter Sunday, and you changed your earrings for the first time about a month ago! In true Ellie fashion, in each case you just decided you were going to do it and you did it. When you decided to learn to ride your bike, you worked hard, practicing your balance and pedaling up and down the sidewalk until it finally clicked. With your earrings, you talked yourself into a plan of action, and when your nerves started to overcome you, you gave yourself a pep talk: "I can do this. I'm going to do this." And you did! And in both cases, once you accomplished this task that you had perceived as impossible for so long, you felt so incredible. You'd just talk about it for days and days and days - you were so proud of yourself, and we were so proud of you, too. I can't even tell you how much joy it brings me to see you overcome a mental hurdle like that and do something that you really want, even if you're afraid. I hope you remember that high you felt afterwards and it propels you forward to many new, exciting experiences as you grow!

You're just growing up so much, and I see it every day. I see it in your outward appearance (I mean, could you possibly be any taller????), and in your behaviors. You're showing more confidence, and you're more willing to try new things. You're becoming more and more helpful around the house (and willingly, too!) - you can change your bedsheets, make all your meals, clean your room, do the dusting. You're motivated to do well and willing to put in the work to do so, such as just last week when you worked hard every day after school to learn a dance for Palm Sunday church. At first you thought it was too hard and you wouldn't be able to do it, but we worked out a plan of attack together and you implemented it without any help and before long, you knew that dance perfectly. (We recorded it on video that was played at the service, which was so nice that you could still participate even if we aren't attending in-person church yet!)

One big, exciting thing from this year: we got a new puppy named Ruthie! You just adore her and vice versa. You can hardly contain yourself when you see her, and you launch right into lovey-dovey talk as you fuss over her. You're a big help with her, too! You get her out of her crate in the morning, feed her breakfast and let her go outside. When she shreds sticks in the house, you help clean up the mess. You help clean the...uh...mess in the backyard, too! You put her leash on when it's time to walk, and sometimes you walk her, too. I'm so glad she has been such a wonderful addition to our family! She's a real perk of this pandemic for sure - without this disruption to our normally very busy schedule, we probably wouldn't have considered getting a dog. We're very lucky to have her!

Some more about Ellie-at-nine-years-old: you and E.J. are still very into Legos, and you play for hours at your Lego table. You also love to draw and do crafts (you tried your hand at cross-stitch this year!). Your favorite color is pink - dark pink, not light! You love long dresses and rompers. Your favorite book is Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and your favorite TV shows include Magic School Bus and Emily's Wonder Lab. You were very excited when President Joe Biden was elected this year, because you met him in Hoboken when you were a baby, so now you can say you've met the President. You're incredibly responsible and trustworthy. You love unicorns. Your hair was both purple and pink at various times this year, and after growing it long for some time you decided last week to cut it short again. You still sleep with Cupcake, and I often have to remind you to remove the piles and piles of books that end up in your bed. You love to "mother" E.J., sometimes taking it a bit far, but I know it's done with love. You like to tuck your shirts into your leggings. You're happy and bubbly. You crinkle your nose when you smile if you really like something. You stick your tongue out when you're concentrating hard (still - you've done that since you were very small!). You say "hi" whenever we walk into a room (or rather, as soon as you hear us coming; you rarely wait for us to actually enter the room), and sometimes you tell us "I want us to be talking but I just don't know what to talk about." You've coped well with our isolation overall, but you're still a social being at heart, and you get excited when people come to our house - ANY people, including the exterminator, realtor and contractor.  When the little old lady who lives down the street had to put her dog to sleep, you wrote a letter to her telling her how sorry you were and left it in her mailbox. You pray to yourself every night, even after we've prayed together as a family. You still sometimes just need a "mama hug." And I always need an Ellie hug.

I just love you so much. 

And now, you're another year older. And truly, this was quite the year to live through, kiddo. Living through a pandemic like this is an unthinkably rare thing (thank heavens!), but there has been so much else going on all around us, too. You'll learn about it in your history books someday, and I think we've kept you pretty shielded from some of the other events of this year. But in all honesty, it has been a challenging one for me in a lot of ways. But you, my girl, have always been a bright spot. You are my motivation to keep working and fighting and brainstorming and innovating. When I feel like I've hit a wall, like I've given it everything I have, like I am just fully depleted, you fill me up again and somehow give me the strength and the energy to wake up and do it all once more. I just want so badly to make each of your days as special as you deserve, which is a terribly high bar but I'm doing my very best.

The coming year still holds a lot of uncertainty for us. It feels like we're on our way out of the pandemic, as more and more people are being vaccinated (Daddy and I will be eligible for ours next week!), and case numbers are staying much lower than they once were. But still, we can't quite predict when there will be a vaccine for kids, how things will look in the fall, or when we can really let our guard down. We also have some uncertainty on the horizon for our family specifically - perhaps I'll be writing your next letter from a new home? No matter what happens, I assume you'll handle it in stride in true Ellie style. 

Ellie, being your mom is such a privilege. I'm so enamored with the young woman you are becoming, just as I have always adored the little girl you were. I hope you know how much I treasure you, and I hope that as you grow you will continue to see me a safe space, a support system, and your biggest fan. Because I totally am. (I'll bet Daddy thinks he is, but I respectfully disagree.)

Thanks for being you, baby girl. You're amazing.

Happy ninth birthday! I love you all the much.

All my love,

Mama

* * * * *

My dear Ellie,

I love you so much. I have been trying to think of a way to explain how much I adore you and how happy you make me to be your dad. If there’s a good word, I don’t know it. The best I can do is to think of a feeling. It’s kinda like when you are sitting down to watch a movie you have been looking forward to for months, when you realize a book you are really enjoying is part of a series, or relaxing on the second day of a long vacation. It’s a happy/peaceful/content feeling where you can’t think about other than how lucky and grateful you are to be where you are. It’s not every minute of every day, to be sure, but it is the best way I can explain what I feel when I sit down and think about it. 

You are so excited to be turning nine (you can’t believe it’s your last year in single digits!). I am so happy for you to have a day (days, really, with the family party and camping) to be celebrated, but I am having a tough time realizing that you are halfway to being on your own. That’s still a lot of time, but I am bracing myself for the fact that the next nine will be less cuddly than the first nine. I also worry about mean kids, bad boyfriends, and other disappointments. Nine means we are getting closer to those things, but I know we aren’t there yet.

It’s just so crazy that you are now having your second pandemic birthday. I thought about including a table of differences and events of the past year, but decided that was too nerdy. I probably buckled a bit under the pressure it would add to include everything. But, for example’s sake, we just completed a whole year of virtual school and girl scouts, with facemasks required for the rare occasions we’ve seen other people or gone in places. And, boy, have we covered miles and miles of walks to get out of the house. On the other end, we have gone without Disney trips, in-person church and activities, eating on-site at restaurants, far fewer family visits and all non-family hugs. It has been very different, with so many challenges. But I don’t think that is what you are going to take from this experience. Your Mama has worked so hard to make things special. We went all out on yard decor for Halloween in lieu of trick-or-treating, she planned egg hunts at home, got a projector for backyard movies, and a climbing gym for the backyard. We started watching tv shows together (The Mandalorian and Clone Wars, Emily’s Wonder Lab, and Lego Masters). We got a puppy and let you guys start playing video games. I learned to do magic, and taught you and EJ how to play blackjack, poker and chess. It’s too early to distill a grand, unified lesson of the pandemic, but I think you can choose how to spend your energy, and there is good to be found in everything. 

I really didn’t mean to write you another letter where I make lists in every other sentence, so I will try to tell three more stories.

The first is about how proud I am of the way you have pushed yourself this year. As you were turning eight, you were committed to learning to ride a bike. We had tried without much success in the past, but you mastered the scooter and really took notice whenever you saw someone you knew riding a bike. At some point, you decided you were going to figure it out. I tried holding the back of the seat, and we planned out how to push off and glide, then to put your feet on the pedals during the glide, then pedal one loop, etc. You spent an hour at a time for days by yourself trying over and over again until you mastered each step. Just like when you were younger, obstacles are nothing compared to your will and determination. You are undefeated when you decide something is going to happen. On Easter Sunday, you put it together and successfully rode around a nearby parking lot and were beside yourself excited. You did the same thing later in the year when you decided you would finally change your earrings 18 months after getting them pierced. You succeeded and changed them several times a day for the first few days. Similarly, you have also decided this year that you would try new foods and have discovered so many new things you enjoy, like BBQ and cheeseburgers from places other than McDonald’s. The other day, you tried a roasted sweet potato and loved it so much that it’s going to be a part of your birthday dinner, with tacos, of course!

The second story has to do with how impressed I am by your interest in new things. Without traditional extracurricular activities, like dance, your Mama and I tried to give you and EJ as much of a well-rounded experience as possible. We offered you a suite of options and you choose piano and golf. Mama started teaching you the basics of piano after you picked up the happy birthday song and a short classical piece during Bairdcation at Papa’s. I don’t know all the specifics of what you did, but I do know that you taught yourself how to play my favorite Christmas carol, "The First Noel", by ear using trial and error. I hope we find a way to help you keep learning if that’s something you want to do, but, if not, you should know that you showed some aptitude for it. Speaking of aptitude, I loved taking you and EJ for golf practice. We always pick out a snack, share a bucket of balls, and putt. I’ve tried to be really light on instruction, just letting you both build some coordination and have some fun. You hit some really well each time and get so excited. You also get uncharacteristically confident. You tell me and EJ to “watch how it’s done” before you hit, and say that “golf is your sport” and you are even considering it as a career option (along with astronaut and pediatrician).

Finally, I can’t possibly tell the story of your year without talking about reading. You’re still a math and science girl (for example, you just took a pie day girl scout class and took it upon yourself to memorize 14 digits!), but boy do you love to read. And our family reading time has become an obsession! Speaking of finding the good in things, the pandemic is what brought this on. Essentially, at the onset, a lot of artists and organizations made new content available virtually. Concerts, museums, NASA camps, and movies direct to streaming, including Hamilton, which has been a huge hit. One such artist was J.K. Rowling, who offered to share her first young adult book since Harry Potter for free, a few chapters at a time. You guys loved the two months we spent on The Ickabog so much that we decided to give Harry Potter a chance. Kid, it’s been a hit. I believe your five favorite books are, in order, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Prisoner of Azkaban, Chamber of Secrets, Sorcerer’s Stone, and The Ickabog. Can you guess which book we are reading now? I love so much that we have been able to read them together. I do most of the reading, voicing close to 40 characters over the first four books. I love to do it because you guys remember which voice is which and get so excited when you know who is talking before the book says it. But, I said it was a family affair and it really is! You handle the dialogue for 15 or so characters by my last count, including Hermoine, Professors Flitwich, Sprout and Grubby-Plank, and Tonks. Most are pretty close to your usual voice, but sometimes you throw in an amazing British accents. Mama has taken on some pretty important ones, like Dobby, Professor Umbridge and Moaning Myrtle, and EJ does a great job with Dudley and Neville Longbottom, though he would love to be responsible for the Malfoys. Whenever we finish a book, Mama sets up some sort of party with themed snacks and attire, and we watch the movie together. You also re-read the book immediately in under three days. 

Kiddo, I really don’t know how to sum up such a crazy year, but I hope I’ve shared some thoughts you are interested in reading. I have loved watching you grow these first nine years and am so excited for you because the best is yet to come. Happy birthday, Belle. 

I love you so very much,

Daddy.