Happy birthday, baby cakes! Welcome to double digits! Holy cow, are you ever growing up. I mean, have you seen your ten-year photo? How beautiful are you?!
This birthday is an exciting one, not only because you're turning the big TEN, but also because it will be your most "normal" birthday celebration in years. You have a big batch of pink cupcakes ready to take to your classmates at school today; we had an early celebration at a theme park in January; and your official party will be a sleepover with friends at our house. At long last, the sleepover you had planned for 2020 will come to fruition! The celebrations of the last two years have been wonderful - we found perfect new, creative ways to celebrate safely in the midst of a pandemic, and though they felt subpar in the moment, are now treasured memories (at least for me, and I think for you, too!). But, I'm so happy that this year you have much more say over how you celebrate your big day. I'm so excited to give you that experience!
The pandemic that dominated much of my last couple of letters to you is not over, unfortunately, but we're trending in the right direction, and hopefully by my next letter it will have been downgraded to an endemic and things will be even more "normal" than they are now. Since my last letter, we've all been vaccinated against covid-19 (and Daddy and I even had boosters!), most people have ditched masks, you're back to in-person school and extracurriculars, we see family more regularly and are even planning a road trip for this summer. However, to get here we've also weathered the two worst outbreaks of the pandemic, thanks to new variants (delta, right at the end of the summer, when you were preparing to start school; and omicron, over the holidays/January). We're still learning about how our vaccines will stand the test of time, concerns for new variants to come still loom, and even as we celebrate your birthday, Papa is hospitalized with covid in Ireland, a very unwelcome souvenir from his St. Patrick's Day travels. We're so thankful for vaccines for keeping him from a more dire situation - thank you, science! You still love science, so there's another good reason for it!
You're doing very well back at school, but that's no surprise. You are a very responsible student, and have taken charge of your own homework/assignments this year with little to no help from me (and you've done a great job!). You like your teachers, and still love math and science the most. You're currently rocking fractions in class, and continue to look for any opportunity to create/solve your own math problems for fun. You also like writing essays, and tell me every day after school what you wrote about and your arguments for your position (they're good!). You still love to read, and we've basically stopped buying you chapter books (relying on the library instead) because you just finish them IMMEDIATELY. Of course, you're not opposed to re-reading, so that's a plus! You're still mostly reading the Harry Potter books, over and over. I think you just pick your favorite parts to reread rather than reading them cover to cover, which is kind of a fun way to do it. You're enjoying your Gifted class this year, including a research project on a winter Olympian (Karen Chen) during the Beijing Olympics. You're also very excited to be learning to play the recorder in Music class. Your homeroom class job is to lead the Monday Morning Meetings with the class, asking a discussion question and leading your peers as they share answers. At the beginning of the year you were devastated over this assignment, just a bundle of nerves and anxiety about it. But you've really settled in and found your groove, and now are looking for ways to ask deeper, more thought-provoking questions and make the whole thing more your own. I'm proud of you, kiddo!
You're back into the full swing of extracurricular activities, too. We resumed ballet at the end of the fall, and you're busy practicing for your first Upper School recital this May. You're still a proud Girl Scout (now a Junior!), though our old troop disbanded this year and we opted to be Juliettes rather than joining a new troop, so we have done a lot of online activities and badges at home together. You rocked cookie season again this year, beating your previous sales record by nearly 200 boxes (for a total of 701 this year!), and that even with a massive cookie supply chain shortage! You worked so hard to reach your goal! To get a little in-person Girl Scout action, you did join a Girl Scouts Lego Robotics team called the Codettes, which you really loved but unfortunately that came to a close this month, so we're looking for something to take its place. You've also continued to golf with Daddy, and I hear you're really improving! You even played your first nine holes with him about a month ago. You've also started playing in a little local soccer league in our neighborhood - it's very casual, so we'll see if it turns into anything, but you're having fun so far!
Speaking of our neighborhood, that's a big change to discuss! Just days after your birthday last year, we went to an open house in the Historic Springfield neighborhood - Grammy was in town, and we just wanted to show her what Springfield houses looked like. To our surprise, we fell in love with the house and about a month later, it became ours! We bought our first house! You guys were so excited to have a house that is ours, and it must have really been meant to be because you and E.J. each selected your rooms without any argument! Your new room is decorated in purple, white and teal, with purple jeweled knobs on your dresser and a lovely purple jeweled lamp on your bedside table, plus a rainbow curtain with star cutouts to let the light shine through. Both kids' bedrooms open up to what was once an upstairs porch, that is now closed in and makes a perfect playroom. You guys will disappear up there for hours, and we don't hear a peep from you! We have a wonderful front porch, where we sit on pleasant evenings, watch outdoor movies with our projector, and it is your favorite spot to do your homework. Aside from the wonderful house, we also have loved getting involved in our new neighborhood - we were prepared to host a band on our porch for a neighborhood music festival called Porchfest (but it was rained out!), you and I had a girls' night out for a Halloween bike ride to look at neighborhood decorations, we've made some friends, joined the soccer team, etc., etc. There's a lot to do and we're enjoying all of it!
You guys were both really great during the move - helpful and excited. There was some adjustment when we first moved in, though. You would call me up to your room nearly every night for a while with a fear to discuss, usually a fear of a fire in the house. I expect it was really just apprehension about being in a new, unfamiliar place, which is completely understandable. In time, you settled in and as we approach the year anniversary of being in this house, I think we're all starting to feel more at home! Your birthday and Easter are the last remaining holidays we have yet to experience here - I think once you've done all the holidays in the new house, it really does feel more homey. We just needed to build up some memories!
And we sure have made some fun memories this year! We kicked it off by (cabin) camping for your birthday, on the last cold night of the spring. We cooked hot dogs over an open fire and breakfast on the grill. We participated in "Bairdlympics" during Bairdcation this summer, and you took the gold in the Sponge Relay Race and tied for gold in the Smallest Splash competition. You attended another virtual Girl Scouts camp, learning all about cybersecurity and earning three badges (and are currently signed up for your first sleep away camp this summer!). We started going to Jumbo Shrimp games again, and EJ's baseball and football games. We finished reading the Harry Potter series and watched all the movies, dressed as Harry Potter "bad guys" for Halloween (you were Professor Umbridge!), and spent a couple of SUPER fun days at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios in honor of your nine-and-three-quarters birthday! You ran your first 5k, and several one-mile races. We visited Santa at Disney Springs and spent a couple days at a Disney resort (while Daddy attended a work conference). We had a handful of visitors: all of your grandparents, Aunt Heather, Aunt Rachel and Uncle Mark, and the Illinois cousins. We had friends over for trick-or-treating and Christmas movies on the porch.
At ten years old, your best friends are Leela, Sophie and Sicily. Your favorite book is Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and your favorite movie is Apollo 11. You still cuddle with your unicorn Cupcake at night. You like to sleep on your right side, near the edge of your bed (with pillows and stuffed animals and books all piled up behind you). You did a Girl Scouts journey about water and now are very concerned about wasting water and constantly remind us to turn off the faucet while we scrub our hands with soap! You love dogs and every time you see one out in the world, you tell its owner you love it. You're becoming very helpful around the house, always willing to do what I ask and regularly following a chore schedule (you clean the bathroom, change your sheets, dust your own room). You have shown some real bravery this year, including riding The Hulk rollercoaster at Universal (the first upside-down ride you've ever tried) with nary a hint of panic beforehand, and making small talk with the nurse who administered your covid vaccine as it happened (you asked her what she wanted for Christmas). You are kindhearted, often thinking of what others need and how you can help (for example, you asked if we can use some of your Girl Scout cookie earnings to buy books and toys for children in the hospital). You love Ruthie like crazy and still use your trademark voice and extended-bottom-jaw face when you talk to her. You play Legos with EJ, ask Alexa to play music so you can dance in your room, and love to draw. You stay up reading after we put you to bed at night and carry big books to school with you every day to read in your down time. You write great thank-you notes, complete with personal drawings for the recipient (you wrote notes to every cookie customer who ordered online this year). Your favorite color is still dark pink, and you love to accessorize (you have earrings for nearly every occasion, and you've started styling your hair in fun ways).
You're just really, really growing up, my Ellie. I was really struck by that as I prepared for this birthday. I made a video for you, compiling clips from your past ten years into one four-minute video. The first couple of minutes of the video are mostly baby/toddler Ellie, and sometimes, it seems like that little girl was a whole other person entirely. There's no way the beautiful young woman who lives with me now is that same baby that I used to spend my days with, that same baby that I spent all my time cuddling and bouncing and rocking, taking to story times and for walks to find the turtles, tying blankets to her head so she could be Rapunzel, reading book after book to her as we sat on the floor for hours. Is that really you? I miss that little girl sometimes, that girl who would grab my hand as we set out to find the kitties, who would crawl into my lap for a cuddle after nap time, who would check my heartbeat with one of her many stethoscopes. She was so dear to me and those were some of the best days of my life.
But the video doesn't end with baby Ellie. It continues on, and we watch her grow. And the video then morphs from flashes of a cute little baby to frame after frame depicting a growing girl, gradually doing all the things little Ellie couldn't do. One by one, she faces her fears and her challenges and overcomes them. She slides on the slide. She dances at her ballet recital. She masters the monkey bars. She learns to ride her bike. She changes her earrings. She reads in church. She runs races and swings a golf club and plays baseball and dives in the waves and even fights Kylo Ren. She sells cookies and swims underwater and dances every chance she gets. The last two minutes of that video are just one clip after another that takes me right back to moments when I felt so proud of you, so proud that I could just burst. I can't watch it without getting tears in my eyes because holy cow, Ellie, I am SO PROUD OF YOU. Every moment of every day, I could explode with joy just because you're you and I get to be here to witness you becoming more and more you every single day. And who you are is really remarkable. There's nobody like you and frankly, that's a shame. The world would be a much better place if there were lots more Ellies.
But we only get one, and I'm so thankful that I get to be here with her, day in and day out, as she becomes the woman she will eventually be. If the first ten years brought all that accomplishment and growth for you, I can hardly wait to see what is coming your way in the next ten. I do, however, have a feeling the coming years may be more tumultuous for us - that's the way of it with teens and their mothers, isn't it? I hope it doesn't have to be, but I'm mentally preparing myself as best as I can, just in case. And, I know that at the end of the next ten years, you'll be leaving me to start your own adult life. Oooof, that will be rough, but also, a beautiful sight to see. I hope you will always be true to yourself, be your complete self in every way, and know that no matter who that turns out to be, I will love you fiercely. I will always be proud of you. And I will always be right behind you...or next to you, or holding your hand, or coming up to your room at night for comfort, or on the other end of the phone, or wherever you need me to be. I'm in your corner, Ellie, always. I will be here for you until the end of my days.
Thank you for making me a mother ten years ago today. Thank you for challenging me and bearing with me as I try to figure out how to be just the mother you need. I hope I won't let you down.
I love you, Ellie-girl. Happy birthday.
Love always,
Mama
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Dear Ellie,
Happy 10th birthday!!!! How crazy is it that your single-digit days are over?! I’m not sure whether it’s actually crazy or if it’s just on my mind because you have been very aware of it for weeks. Just today, there has been an extensive running commentary of single digit lasts. Last outfit, last Daddy/Ellie chat on the drive home from ballet, last dinner, shower, Ruthie belly scratch and good night kiss. Looking ahead, you have also made some comments about almost being a “tween.” I’m not sure either of us knows what that means, but it’s only possible because we’ve now known each other for a whole decade. (I hope you read that last word in your best Kennedy/Scrimgeour voice). I am pretty confident it has been the best decade of your whole life and I can’t tell you how much happiness it brings me to think about so many of the times we’ve had. I’m so glad your Mama keeps such good records.
Fortunately, this isn’t going to be that kind of letter where we dig in on all of them (just think of the ink and trees saved!) At the same time, I think this letter could be a good chance to take stock of where you are 10 years in. The memories that come to mind from this year seem to line up neatly with what I want to say about you as a person, so we’ll see how it goes. Long story short: you’re just so, so special. I’m not allowed to say you’re perfect, because, technically, no body is, and the last thing I want to do is put pressure on you to keep up such a crazy pace of awesomeness. But the truth is that you’re going to be amazing no matter what you’re doing, so long as it’s what makes you happy. All that said, at 10-years old, you are curious, well-rounded, and kind.
Curious. Notice I didn’t say smart. Sure, you know a lot for your age (All A’s so far and really high standardized test scores even during a Pandemic!), and at the rate you read (I’d bet you read close to a hundred books this past year, including most of the Harry Potter books three times each) you are going to know a lot more in a year, and so on. But you are so much more than what you know. Real wisdom is knowing you don’t know everything and that you never will, but that you don’t stop trying to learn more. You wonder, you dream, you ask questions. You are curious! This year, you took on the Rubix cube–you’ve totally mastered one face and are working your way through the rest of it–worked your way up to 19 digits of pi for fun, and when your gifted teacher talked about a “genius hour” project where you’d investigate something, such as ‘how do you draw dogs?’ or ‘why is smoking bad for you?’, your first thought was to wonder about the building blocks of all things – atoms and chemical compounds and such. I think this came from your fascination with the search for the “grand unifying theory” of Physics. I wish I could remember how it came up any of the times we’ve talked about it, but suffice it to say that, knowing you, I’m not surprised it did.
You also always say your favorite teacher is the one who teaches math and science, even though we’re pretty sure you’ve had some really great ELA teachers. Speaking of reading, I would be remiss to not say a bit more about finishing the Harry Potter franchise. I can’t tell you how meaningful it was to read every word together as a family, and to keep up with our characters right up to the very end. I love that you say you hear our family voices in your head when you re-read the books, and I love that we were able to make it to the Wizarding World at Universal Studios to put an exclamation point on the magic.
Well rounded. As we work our way back to a new normal, you are back in a ballet class and rocking girl scouts, including your Lego robotics club before it ended prematurely. You sold 700 boxes of cookies this season, even with historic supply shortages. You’re still teaching yourself songs on the piano when they interest you and have started playing the recorder at school. You ran your first 5k and recently completed the Junior River Run mile in 7:25! I was so proud of you for doing that on your own because distance running has been a bit of a journey. Most times we have tried to run more than a mile together, including the 5k we ran with EJ last Spring, you started to get nervous and needed to stop and walk for longer stretches than your legs or lungs actually needed. It has seemed like you were dealing with a mini-anxiety attack and I haven’t known what to do other than to keep taking it easy. You, EJ, and I tried to run a mile race around Christmas, and it happened to you ¼ of the way in and you couldn’t make yourself recover or push through. So, when you said you wanted to run the Junior River Run, I let you go by yourself and tried to let you talk yourself up and make your own plan. And you nailed it! I’m excited to see where running takes you because you’re good at it and you really seem to like doing it, in spite of the hiccups.
But, Ellie, what I really want to highlight in this section is that you’ve gotten really into . . . dramatic pause . . . wait for it. . . golf!!! How cool is that?!?! I wish I could say it was spending time together or the lessons I’ve tried to give you, but I think the real driver of your consistent interest in practicing was the Summer Olympics. This is the first year golf was part of the games and you just love the idea of winning a medal someday. Which I get, it’s a really cool idea I only recently had to give up on (not that I ever tried close to as hard as would be needed to make it happen). We bought matching official Team USA golf shirts and have been to range at least a few times each month. You can hit your “iron 7” in the air, but you really love hitting “bomberoos” with your driver. We even have a secret handshake for big hits. We always include putting sessions in our practice and end it with a contest or series of contests. Whenever EJ comes along (about half the time), you always ask to go last because you “love the pressure.” I usually handicap the contests, and you win as often as you lose. You have gotten so much better in a year. It’s probably the repetition, but it could also be because you keep a copy of Ben Hogan’s Five Lessons in your bed and you do things like hold your Harry Potter wand like a golf club. It might also be because you have such a great attitude after mishits and on bad days. Of course you get frustrated, but you just keep swinging, which is a skill that will suit you well in anything you do. See, e.g., Thomas Edison and the 999 ways not to make a light bulb.
Notably, in the Fall, you rode along at a 9-hole par 35 course and played two of the par 3 holes. Grandpa Gary even let you drive the golf cart for a bit! While you did get the ball in the hole, there was a lot of swinging and missing. You may have made a 15 on a 75-yard hole after hitting your tee shot 65 yards over a water hazard! So, we kept practicing and you got a fuller set of clubs for Christmas (driver, hybrid, 5, 7, 9, your first wedge, and a mallet putter) in addition to a golf bag being your ornament. Then, on President’s Day, you played all 9 holes on that same course! I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here or in other letters, but I love spending time with you and golf gives us the perfect excuse to do just that. And, for now, we both like playing. It’s just so great, Ellie. I hope this keeps up, and I promise to try not to make you keep doing if it stops being fun for you.
Kind. This one is a bit tricker to detail, but anyone who knows you would say it’s true. You compliment strangers and always tell them you like their dogs. You are always patient and loving with Ruthie. At EJ’s games, you almost always play with the younger siblings and are so sweet with them. As a Juliet Girl Scout, you get to access what would be the troop proceeds from your cookie sales, which is over $500, to pay dues and event registration fees, etc. You asked if you could use it to donate toys to Wolfson’s Children’s Hospital, which we’re working on helping you do. You are also very aware of who is listening to you answer questions, and never fall for ones like “Who is your favorite parent?” And, Ellie, you are still a great hugger. You never just go through the motions, almost always giving a sincere two-handed squeeze with your eyes closed. You’ve also started holding my hands at the end of our before bed hugs for an extra squeeze and eye contact, which is just the sweetest.
Ellie, I said it earlier, but it’s the absolute truth: Even if you weren’t any of the things I said in this letter, I couldn’t love you any more or any less. I simply can’t explain how happy I am to have a daughter, and for that daughter to be you. I knew it the day you were born and we had our first of countless moments in the hospital room. As excited as I am about your young successes, the way you’ve handled struggles, and the ‘tween’ you are becoming, nothing you do or fail to do could ever change the way I felt about you on your birthday, and feel about you now. I am so happy to be kicking off another decade with you and am so looking forward to helping you make sense of the world and figure out what you love to do (even if it doesn’t end up involving math, science, or golf).
Happy birthday!
I love you always,
Daddy